Jul 28, 2011 by cara moulds
If you are going to create anyway, if you cannot avoid dreaming, then why not create a beautiful dream? Why not dream well and really enjoy your dream? If you can believe in your limitations, then why not believe in the beauty and power of life that’s flowing through you? – Don Miguel Ruiz, The Fifth Agreement
What is a limitation you believe you have? What would happen if you believed the opposite?
I believe that I’m a bad person. I believe that for all my ability and accomplishment, deep inside, I have rotted and I have nothing of value to offer. That anyone involved with me would be better off without me… and this terrifies me. I believe that my presence is a detriment. I believe that what I want is utterly selfish. That wanting anything is selfish. I fear that I only want for me and not for other people though I know I give in return. I believe that wanting anything for myself makes me selfish and therefore bad.
Oddly, I’ve accepted this even as I fight it.
I accept that I want certain things. I question whether I deserve them. Whether I have a right to ask for them, even as I ask for them or reach for them. I don’t just take though. I do give in return, probably much, much more than I take. Still I wonder if it’s enough. I don’t know if I’ll ever internalize a feeling of acceptance. It’s cause for a lot of my internal conflict. Cause for a lot of my inner guilt.
Somewhere in my reading of Eastern philosophy I read that to receive is as virtuous as to give. It allows another to feel the gift of giving when you allow yourself to be open to what they would share.
If I could embrace this, I would be less burdened. Happy.