Wow, would you look at that, my weekend was “normal”. I declined an invitation to hang out with Tech Boy on Friday night. I was tired from stress and frankly super self-conscious. The weather has been changing and it really dries out my skin. My finger cracked and my lip cracked and I was embarrassed by how it looked. He didn’t care but not going out in public because of an uncomfortable physical flaw is one of my more rational anti-social seclusions into self-consciousness. Egads. I drank too much wine, listened to Roommate and her bf talk about the problems with biblical inconsistencies (which was absolutely hysterical) and played my video games. I had a nice mellow night.
Saturday I woke up at 7:15a.m., still managed to get to the gym a bit late (8:05a.m.), and only had time for a 50 minute run before my 1.5 hour weights/core/abs class. My ass and my shoulders are still sore! Great workout. My body is feeling really good right now. I’m very happy with the direction my workout intensity is going.
Saturday night, Tech Boy wanted to hang out with some friends he has at work and catch a Billy Joel cover band. Come on, who doesn’t love Billy Joel? I was skeptical because it was St. Patrick’s Day, and if you know me, you know that while I may be very Irish, I HATE St. Patrick. Asshole.
He picked me up and took me to a silly nice restaurant. It was much classier than we’d expected. Almost laughably so. Right down to the valet parking that required a 10 foot drive to settle the car. Seriously? Yeah, we spent half the dinner making fun of the ambiance and pretending to be snooty. Class. We’ve got it. Right =}
He bought me dinner. He’s been doing this more and more. When we first started “hanging out” it was always split even, paying for what we consumed so we never owed each other anything. Lately he’s been buying my drinks, paying for dinners and generally being a gentleman about such things. It’s unexpected in a really sweet way. Not that I’d let him get away with that all the time. I have to be all liberated and stuff occasionally. Not that he’d be able to forget it considering how I’ve been ranting about politics and women’s reproductive rights lately.
There’s another rant that came up that I’ll share in another post.
But yeah, I was driving for the night anyways, and he appreciated that. We went to some bar, there were lots of drinks for him. I only had two beers and cut myself off super, super early. Being a designated driver means I probably shouldn’t have even had that, but two drinks over the course of 6 hours isn’t going to register on a breathalyzer so I figured I was fine.
We met up with one of the guys from work (another group) that he’s friends with. I’d seen this guy around but I don’t pay attention to people unless they get in my face. Some people think this is snobby. I think I’m just awkward and don’t know how to talk to people I don’t know and really want to avoid it at all costs if I can. So if I had any questions about whether some people from work knew about us, well, someone definitely does now. We’re basically an open “secret” at this point anyways. That’s what Tech Boy says. I’m choosing to remain oblivious. It’s easier for me to pretend that people don’t know. It’s easier for me to pretend that people don’t notice me at all. Which is apparently ludicrous because I’m kind of hard to miss in the environment that I’m working.
I’m feeling all gooey about him lately. I had a tremendous amount of guilt when I told him I didn’t want ot hang out Friday night. Worries that he’d be upset (even though we really had non prior plans), or that he’d find someone else to be with that would make more time for him – girl wise… I know I’m silly. These are the things that run through my mind. We got back from the bar pretty late and my gooey girly guts started leaking out. We crawled into bed and he wrapped himself around me. I couldn’t resist telling him that I had a lot of fun but this was still my favorite part of the night. Even better was when he agreed. I still think stuff like that are lines that men have learned to say back, but still. It’s sweet to hear.
Waking up. ::sigh:: I just, can’t get over how much I love sleeping with him. Feeling his lips on the back of my neck, his chest pressed against me. It drives me the best kind of crazy. When did I become so sappy? ::deeper sigh::
Eventually he left but he was coming back later. I made a big dinner for him, Roommate, and her bf. Pork Tenderloin with Caramelized Pears and a Pear Brandy Cream Sauce, Wild Mushroom Risotto, and sautéed Green Beans with Toasted Almonds. The risotto and the green beans were fabulous. I’m told the pork tenderloin was perfect (I’m strict vegetarian remember – no pork for me). Cooking is an art form for me. It’s also pretty zen. I love the creative process, even though sometimes my grocery trips fill me with a fantastic rage (people in grocery stores are seriously stupid sometimes). I love setting everything out. Prepping my space. Gathering all my ingredients together. Pulling it all together in one glorious presentation. And finally watching other people enjoy something that I made just for them. I love cooking for people. It makes me happy.
It makes me sad when I have to go to bed though. I still have anxiety about sleeping. Especially about sleeping alone. I need to read my book to fall asleep. And my cat if he can be bothered to curl up with me.
Monday always comes too quick. Why can’t we have more 3 day weekends? So yeah, normal normal normal. Nothing out of the ordinary.
I did e-mail K on Friday night. I was a little drunk. Lamenting my poor decisions that cost me her friendship in exchange for the disfunction I had with Friend. All I said was, “You were right. I’m sorry.” I didn’t expect to hear back from her. She replied with, “I honestly don’t know what to say to that.” I told her she didn’t have to say anything if she didn’t want to but I wanted her to know. ::sigh:: I wish more than most things that we could be friends again. It’s a futile wish, I know, but it still hurts that I made such a big mistake with her. So just one impulsive decision in a weekend that could have been filled with impulsive decisions. I’m not sorry I made this one either. Though I fluxuated wildly at the time.
There’s always something. I’m just glad those somethings are closer to nothings.