tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-75209057386262995602024-03-12T21:40:05.359-07:00Asylum within, HavenMusings & DeliriumHavenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06219816721347558501noreply@blogger.comBlogger67125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7520905738626299560.post-72219144459143423732012-08-01T16:39:00.001-07:002012-08-01T16:39:17.087-07:00GOP lead War on Women<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Freedom of Religion means freedom of religion for EVERYONE, not just for Christians. A country with a secular government meant to serve all citizens where religious freedom is a right, cannot lawfully cater to only one single religious institution to the exclusion of the rights of the rest of its citizens.<br />
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I don't understand why Republicans are so worked up about providing affordable birth control, at least the offer of affordable birth control to all citizens. While yes, I recognize that this includes an offer of affordable health care to Christians, if they're really the "good" Christians in the way you believe they should be, then wouldn't they decline affordable birth control regardless of whether it's offered or not?<br />
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Republican likens contraceptive mandate to Pearl Harbor, 9/11</div>
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By NBC's Michael O'Brien and Frank Thorp</div>
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NBCNews.com</div>
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A House Republican lawmaker likened the implementation of a new mandate that insurers offer coverage for contraceptive services to Pearl Harbor and the Sept. 11, 2001 attacks against the United States.</div>
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Pennsylvania Rep. Mike Kelly (R), an ardent opponent of abortion rights, said that today's date would live in infamy alongside those two other historic occasions. Wednesday marked the day on which a controversial new requirement by the Department of Health and Human Services, which requires health insurance companies to cover contraceptive services for women, goes into effect.</div>
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"I know in your mind you can think of times when America was attacked. One is December 7th, that's Pearl Harbor day. The other is September 11th, and that's the day of the terrorist attack," Kelly said at a press conference on Capitol Hill. "I want you to remember August the 1st, 2012, the attack on our religious freedom. That is a day that will live in infamy, along with those other dates."</div>
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Republicans cried foul when the Obama administration first announced the new rule, reasoning that it would force employers with a religious affiliation to act in a way that contradicts their beliefs. The outcry included criticism from the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops, and President Obama subsequently announced a compromise in which employers wouldn't be forced to offer insurance plans that cover contraception, but insurance companies would be required to offer coverage to women who wish to purchase it.</div>
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Republicans rejected the compromise, and subsequently attempted several times to advance legislation to reverse the mandate. The imbroglio contributed to Democratic charges of a GOP-led "war on women."</div>
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"This is a right that every American should be outraged, outraged about what this administration and Secretary Sibelius has set forth here on August the 1st," New York Rep. Ann Marie Buerkle (R) said at the same press conference as Kelly. "And as Mike said, August the 1st is a day that we as American will look at as the largest assault on our First Amendment rights."</div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Palatino,Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif'; font-size: 16px; line-height: 20px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">*UPDATE*</span><span style="font-family: 'Palatino,Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif'; font-size: 16px; line-height: 20px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"> Hawaii Sen. Daniel Inouye, a veteran of World War II, condemned Kelly's comments in a statement.</span> </div>Havenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06219816721347558501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7520905738626299560.post-81877669562341518912012-06-26T14:29:00.003-07:002012-06-26T14:35:41.506-07:00Why are we so Curious?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I saw this article in MindHacks and I thought it would be interesting to share:<br />
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<a href="http://mindhacks.com/?p=23068">http://mindhacks.com/?p=23068</a><br />
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My column for <a href="http://www.bbc.com/future/">BBC Future</a> from last week. The original is <a href="http://anonymouse.org/cgi-bin/anon-www.cgi/http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20120618-why-are-we-so-curious">here</a>.<br />
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Evolution made us the ultimate learning machines, and the ultimate learning machines need to be oiled by curiosity.<br />
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I hate to disappoint you, but whatever your ambitions, whatever your long-term goals, I’m pretty sure that reading this column isn’t going to further them. It won’t stop you feeling hungry. It won’t provide any information that might save your life. It’s unlikely to make you attractive to the opposite sex.<br />
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And yet if I were to say that I will teach you a valuable lesson about your inner child, I hope you will want to carry on reading, driven by nothing more than your curiosity to find out a little more. What could be going on in your brain to make you so inquisitive?<br />
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We humans have a deeply curious nature, and more often than not it is about the minor tittle-tattle in our lives. Our curiosity has us doing utterly unproductive things like reading news about people we will never meet, learning topics we will never have use for, or exploring places we will never come back to. We just love to know the answers to things, even if there’s no obvious benefit.<br />
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From the perspective of evolution this appears to be something of a mystery. We associate evolution with ‘survival-of-the-fittest’ traits that support the essentials of day-to-day survival and reproduction. So why did we evolve to waste so much time? Shouldn’t evolution have selected for a species which was – you know – a bit more focussed?<br />
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Child’s play<br />
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The roots of our peculiar curiosity can be linked to a trait of the human species call neoteny. This is a term from evolutionary theory that means the “retention of juvenile characteristics”. It means that as a species we are more child-like than other mammals. Being relatively hairless is one physical example. A large brain relative to body size is another. Our lifelong curiosity and playfulness is a behavioural characteristic of neoteny.<br />
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Neoteny is a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heterochrony">short-cut taken by evolution</a> – a route that brings about a whole bundle of changes in one go, rather than selecting for them one by one. Evolution, by making us a more juvenile species, has made us weaker than our primate cousins, but it has also given us our child’s curiosity, our capacity to learn and our deep sense of attachment to each other.<br />
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And of course the lifelong capacity to learn is the reason why neoteny has worked so well for our species. Our extended childhood means we can absorb so much more from our environment, including our shared culture. Even in adulthood we can pick up new ways of doing things and new ways of thinking, allowing us to adapt to new circumstances.<br />
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Exploration bonus<br />
In the world of artificial intelligence, computer scientists have explored how behaviour evolves when guided by different learning algorithms. An important result is that even the best learning algorithms fall down if they are not encouraged <a href="http://webdocs.cs.ualberta.ca/~sutton/book/the-book.html">to explore a little</a>. Without a little something to distract them from what they should be doing, these algorithms get stuck in a rut, relying on the same responses time and time again.<br />
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Computer scientists have learnt to adjust how these algorithms rate different possible actions with an ‘exploration bonus’ – that is, a reward just for trying something new. Weighted like this, the algorithms then occasionally leave the beaten track to explore. These exploratory actions cost them some opportunities, but leave them better off in the long run because they’ve gain knowledge about what they might do, even if it didn’t benefit them immediately.<br />
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The implication for the evolution of our own brain is clear. Curiosity is nature’s built-in exploration bonus. We’re evolved to leave the beaten track, to try things out, to get distracted and generally look like we’re wasting time. Maybe we are wasting time today, but the learning algorithms in our brain know that something we learnt by chance today will come in useful tomorrow.<br />
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Obviously it would be best if we knew what we needed to know, and just concentrated on that. Fortunately, in a complex world it is impossible to know what might be useful in the future. And thank goodness – otherwise we would have evolved to be a deadly-boring species which never wanted to get lost, never tried things to just see what happened or did things for the hell of it.<br />
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Evolution made us the ultimate learning machines, and the ultimate learning machines need a healthy dash of curiosity to help us take full advantage of this learning capacity.<br />
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Or, as Kurt Vonnegut <a href="http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Kurt_Vonnegut">said</a>, “We are here on Earth to fart around. Don’t let anybody tell you any different.”</div>Havenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06219816721347558501noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7520905738626299560.post-68017008166050166042012-06-04T11:57:00.002-07:002012-06-04T11:57:48.964-07:00Foods and Yummies<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I have such a love-hate relationship with food. I’ve
been vegetarian for 19 years (almost 20), vegan for 6 of those. I never have
any intention of eating meat ever again in my life, though I have no issue
cooking it for the meat-eaters in my life. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Being vegetarian for so long I go through phases of
foods that I like. I eat things for months and months at a time until I’m sick
of them. Then stop. I’ve been going through a major salad phase lately. I crave
green, healthy foods but Salad and I have often been at odds. When you’ve been
vegetarian for as long as I have been salad quickly, quickly loses it’s appeal.
It’s winning favor again apparently. My favorite? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Mixed spring greens/spinach<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Fresh cut strawberries<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Baby portabella mushrooms<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Touch of Gorgonzola<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Bit of balsamic dressing (I hate salads
drenched in dressing. I just want a hint of flavor.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">If
I’m feeling adventurous I’ll toss in some dried cranberries, mandarin oranges,
or orange bell pepper. I know, I know, getting crazy there =)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">But
that’s for me. What I have been making for everyone else has been off the
charts ridiculous lately. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Last
Memorial Day weekend I had a small gathering and made: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Caramelized Dijon & Honey Chicken<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Deviled Eggs (my own recipe – absolutely
delightful)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Caprese Skewers (Cherry tomatoes, basil,
fresh Mozz)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Grilled Cheese Toasties gourmet style
(Gruyere/Parmesan/sautéed Onion/Roasted Garlic on slices of French bread)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Dark Chocolate Cupcakes with Nutella
Frosting<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">For the wedding I made:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Fig and Walnut Tapenade
with Goat cheese - essentially figs soaked and reduced in Port wine added to my
favorite kalamata olive tapenade base, with goat cheese spread on French bread
topped with a hint of walnut. This is so yummy. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Then yesterday was Doc’s birthday so his girlfriend
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<span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Spicy Mac-n-Cheese (Baked, yet another
gourmet style mac-n-cheese. I can’t do anything “normal”.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Dark Chocolate Cupcakes with
Cookies-n-Cream Frosting<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Sangria<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I’ve just been cooking like a mad woman. But mad in
a good way. I love to feed people. It can be a little stressful doing so much
all by myself but I’m a little OCD when it comes to prep work which helps make
things run more smoothly. It gives me an immense amount of satisfaction to make
food that the people I care for enjoy. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I obsess about finding recipes, but the recipe
card/page/whatever is just the idea. I use pre-done recipes as inspiration but
94% of the time I don’t bother sticking to them at all. This is especially true
when it comes to meat dishes. I don’t eat meat so I don’t have a knowledge base
of experience to pull from. It helps me to have something I can look at to
guide my thought process. However I do have an extensive palate when it comes
to seasonings and ingredient incorporation so I can always tell when things
will work. I look up recipe inspiration, and then alter, cook, and create til
my heart’s content.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Food is so fun. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Edible art. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">If you’re interested in any of these recipes let me
know and I’ll post the source and how I altered them. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</div>Havenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06219816721347558501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7520905738626299560.post-91178633703534287832012-05-25T10:03:00.001-07:002012-06-13T07:17:51.165-07:00Diablo III<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: 'Goudy Old Style', serif; font-size: 12.5pt; line-height: 115%;">I’m a gamer girl. Not one of those silly console
gamers. A REAL gamer. Yanno, with a PC. Hah. Oh, don’t get bent out of shape. I’m
just kidding<s>, but not really</s>. My computer is a techno-haven of advanced
vid cards and state of the art processors. I don’t know a lot about computer
hardware, but what I do know, has to do with making my gaming experience more
efficient. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Goudy Old Style', serif; font-size: 12.5pt; line-height: 115%;">The day that I have been waiting for has finally
arrived. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Goudy Old Style', serif; font-size: 12.5pt; line-height: 115%;">The release of Diablo 3. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Goudy Old Style', serif; font-size: 12.5pt; line-height: 115%;">It’s been 12 years since the release of Diablo 2. Which
means I’ve been waiting for the development and release of Diablo 3 for 11
years and 363.5 days. When Diablo 2 was first released I didn’t leave my computer
for a day and half until I had beaten the game. It was awesome. I played the
shit out of that game. Sorceress, Necromancer, Assassin, Druid, oh yeah. I
dabbled with the Paladin and Amazon but quickly got bored. I didn’t even bother
with the Barbarian. I’m not a melee fighter. I like magic. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Goudy Old Style', serif; font-size: 12.5pt; line-height: 115%;">**whimsical sigh**<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Goudy Old Style', serif; font-size: 12.5pt; line-height: 115%;">I have that excitement all over again. There are
some things I’m still pretty iffy about. Cons but mostly Pros. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Goudy Old Style', serif; font-size: 12.5pt; line-height: 115%;">Let’s start with the Cons: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Goudy Old Style', serif; font-size: 12.5pt; line-height: 115%;">1.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Old Style', serif; font-size: 12.5pt; line-height: 115%;">You must be on Battle.net to play. Even
as a single player. Arg. I’m not a social gamer. I like to play by myself so I
don’t usually bother with Battle.net. Having to connect to the internet to play
struck me as an intensely inconvenient requirement. What if I lose internet
access? We have some pretty bad storms here occasionally. What if I were
someone in some part of the world that just had shoddy internet access and
couldn’t continuously connect? Bullshit. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Goudy Old Style', serif; font-size: 12.5pt; line-height: 115%;">Admittedly, it’s not as
bad as I feared. I had my first game update yesterday and I was surprisingly
pleased. I didn’t have to search for a patch or troll the forums to find out
about a new update. It informed me automatically. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Goudy Old Style', serif; font-size: 12.5pt; line-height: 115%;">2.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Old Style', serif; font-size: 12.5pt; line-height: 115%;">I was skeptical about the early release.
May 15<sup>th</sup> was the day it came out but rumors are that the game isn’t
actually quite complete. There was apparently a lot of pressure to get it out
so they released a less than perfect version to appease the powers that be.
This means there’s going to be a lot of patches, updates, and (I’m hoping) a
full expansion pack. Requiring a Battle.net connection will hopefully make all
of these updates and additions a much less harrowing experience. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Goudy Old Style', serif; font-size: 12.5pt; line-height: 115%;">3.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Old Style', serif; font-size: 12.5pt; line-height: 115%;">Selling any regular weaponry or armor
that you pick up gets you diddly squat for gold. If you want any kind of real
compensation you need to be selling only the magic and unique items you find. Which
you might not want to do… <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Goudy Old Style', serif; font-size: 12.5pt; line-height: 115%;">4.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Old Style', serif; font-size: 12.5pt; line-height: 115%;">I’m still not sold on the Skill
selection and Rune advancement. You have Signature, Offensive, Utility, and
Passive Skills. I like that you have your skill categories but I don’t like
that you can only have the option of 6 Skills at your immediate disposal: One
Signature Skill, one Offensive Skill, One Passive Skill, and a choice of 4
Utility hot button skills (Each of these Utility skills comes from it’s own
grouping of skill sets but you can only activate one from each grouping at a
time). You can switch up your skills whenever you want, but you have to stop
and go into your Skill Tree and make the change instead of simply assigning more
hot buttons keys. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Goudy Old Style', serif; font-size: 12.5pt; line-height: 115%;">You also don’t get to add more
skill points to skills you prefer over others to increase their damage or
effectiveness. You level up and unlock new runes with predetermined advancements
that you may or may not want to use. Granted you don’t have to use them, and
you can switch between your Rune advancements just as you do with the General
skills but you can’t switch between any and all of them at the touch of a
hotkey. I think there might be a fix or a hack for this. Forum time. There are
a lot of really neat new skills, but I just wish I could make some specific
ones more powerful instead of just unlocking something that I might not want to
use. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Goudy Old Style', serif; font-size: 12.5pt; line-height: 115%;">Seriously, I don’t know about you,
but one of the things I loved about Diablo II was the ability to set 20 hot
keys and switch between all of my friggin skills. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Goudy Old Style', serif; font-size: 12.5pt; line-height: 115%;">Neutral/Interesting Points<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Goudy Old Style', serif; font-size: 12.5pt; line-height: 115%;">You no longer transmute gems in a Horadric cube to
combine for better goods. You have a marketplace Artisan who does this. The
Blacksmith is also an artisan where you can transmute your magic and unique
items to form crafting supplies. For both Artisans you pump gold into Training.
The more training you invest in, the better the quality and level of equipment.
From there you have the capability of constructing more complete gems, better
armor, stronger weapons, etc. Invest in this! It’s an interesting take on creating magic
items and combining the stuff you pick up. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Goudy Old Style', serif; font-size: 12.5pt; line-height: 115%;">Pros<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Goudy Old Style', serif; font-size: 12.5pt; line-height: 115%;">1.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Old Style', serif; font-size: 12.5pt; line-height: 115%;">The game is gorgeous. The graphics and
designs are beautiful. I love just looking at it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Goudy Old Style', serif; font-size: 12.5pt; line-height: 115%;">2.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Old Style', serif; font-size: 12.5pt; line-height: 115%;">I’m really happy they kept the 3<sup>rd</sup>
person perspective. I am not a huge fan of 1<sup>st</sup> person shooter type
games. I like having the ability to see the layout of the immediate environment
around me. It enables you to be more capable of defending yourself. I also like
that they brought the perspective down a little closer to the action. The
monsters, demons, and details are awesome. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Goudy Old Style', serif; font-size: 12.5pt; line-height: 115%;">3.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Old Style', serif; font-size: 12.5pt; line-height: 115%;">I love that they have surprise Events.
You still have your general Quests that you discover as you go along, but every
now and again there’s a side quest that gives you the opportunity to get
something special. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Goudy Old Style', serif; font-size: 12.5pt; line-height: 115%;">4.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Old Style', serif; font-size: 12.5pt; line-height: 115%;">I like that there are check boxes to
remind you and verify when you’ve completed a task and/or directs you to the
next goal or step in your quest. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Goudy Old Style', serif; font-size: 12.5pt; line-height: 115%;">5.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Old Style', serif; font-size: 12.5pt; line-height: 115%;">Character creation: You can choose any
character class AND either gender for each character class! I can always be a
girl! Love this. I may have my own gender identity issues, but no joke, I love
a strong female character. Love.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Goudy Old Style', serif; font-size: 12.5pt; line-height: 115%;">6.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Old Style', serif; font-size: 12.5pt; line-height: 115%;">Character classes themselves = very
cool. We have the Wizard, Witch Doctor, Demon Hunter, Monk, and Barbarian. In
descending order of my preferences. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Goudy Old Style', serif; font-size: 12.5pt; line-height: 115%;">7.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Old Style', serif; font-size: 12.5pt; line-height: 115%;">Speaking of character classes: You can
switch between character classes at any point. You can start one game, and try
out every character if you choose to. I have to admit, I have not taken
advantage of this. I’m hard wired into character loyalty. I will eventually
play all the characters (when I’m done with my WIZARD!) but I’ll be starting a
new game and building that character up from scratch. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Goudy Old Style', serif; font-size: 12.5pt; line-height: 115%;">8.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Old Style', serif; font-size: 12.5pt; line-height: 115%;">You don’t have a limited number of
potions you can hold in your belt. Pro! However, you do have a lag time between
uses of Health Potions. Con. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 1in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Goudy Old Style', serif; font-size: 12.5pt; line-height: 115%;">a.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Old Style', serif; font-size: 12.5pt; line-height: 115%;">Speaking of Cons, you also have a Cool
Down Time before you can reuse your hot button Utility Skills. This is
aggravating to me since I’m a heavy magic user. They did this to increase the
skill and difficulty level of the game. I get that. But damnit, I just want to kill
shit. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Goudy Old Style', serif; font-size: 12.5pt; line-height: 115%;">b.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Old Style', serif; font-size: 12.5pt; line-height: 115%;">You can continuously use your Signature
Skills without cost. You have Offensive Spells that use your Mana, which
regenerates on its own, but you no longer have mana potions so you have to wait
for regeneration. It forces you to allocate your defenses differently. I’m
getting used to it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Goudy Old Style', serif; font-size: 12.5pt; line-height: 115%;">9.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Old Style', serif; font-size: 12.5pt; line-height: 115%;"> You
have health globes that drop form creatures to automatically refill your
health. That’s pretty awesome. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Goudy Old Style', serif; font-size: 12.5pt; line-height: 115%;">10.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Old Style', serif; font-size: 12.5pt; line-height: 115%;">You
have more armor! Which means you have more options for customization and
character abilities! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Goudy Old Style', serif; font-size: 12.5pt; line-height: 115%;">11.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Old Style', serif; font-size: 12.5pt; line-height: 115%;">You
can have a follower, much like the Hires from D2, whom also are able to level
up plus they can achieve class skills to help you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Goudy Old Style', serif; font-size: 12.5pt; line-height: 115%;">12.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Goudy Old Style', serif; font-size: 12.5pt; line-height: 115%;">Okay,
seriously, the Pros just go on and on. There is so much awesome about this game
with just enough nostalgia from the previous ones that it all ties to together.
I am such a fan. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Goudy Old Style', serif; font-size: 12.5pt; line-height: 115%;">Undecided<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Goudy Old Style', serif; font-size: 12.5pt; line-height: 115%;"> Battle.net
multi player. You can play with strangers or you can give out your personal ID
and only play with a party of specific friends. I do think it’s pretty cool
that you can do that easily from home now instead of having to huddle up your
laptops on a LAN in someone’s basement. I just don’t know if this is really
something I’m interested in. I had my first monster killing date with Tech Boy.
He’s the only person I’ve taken advantage of the team playing on Battle.net
with. It was fun that we could be all blood thirsty and explodey together. But
at the same time I have internal conflicts b/c I start thinking about what the
other player might need or might want; does he need the health globe? Would he
want the magic drop? Would he want the gem? Or the coins? And I start feelings
bad about picking stuff up. Plus I like to clear the boards and kill every
single thing. Some people just like to get through to the next level. Or if I
need to go to town I’m holding up the game for the other person. All that stuff
bothers me. It’s really fun to have someone else to chat with and team up with
and see all the cool stuff they can do, but I have some adjustments to make. Maybe
once I’ve filled myself up with single play mode it’ll be more fun to play with
others. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Goudy Old Style', serif; font-size: 12.5pt; line-height: 115%;">And that folks, is my quick (yes, quick) synopsis of
how I feel about the new D3 release. Get it. Play it. Love it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">And that folks, is my quick (yes, quick) synopsis of how I
feel about the new D3 release. Get it. Play it. Love it. <br /><br /><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">EDIT and ADDENDUM: In continuing to play I am becoming more and more discouraged and disappointed with this game. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">RANT:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">Talking to Tech Boy he assures me it is almost impossible to beat Diablo without making use of the Auction House and bidding on better armor than you are able to acquire in game. Fuck. I hate this. HATE this. The Auction House is like e-bay for Diablo III weapons and armor. People put up items they've found for bid and there you go. I DO NOT. DO NOT. Want to play. With other people. I want my gaming experience to be completely self-sufficient. If what he says is true then I am going to be entirely pissed the fuck off b/c thus far I am having great difficult with my Wizard finding strong enough armor in game. What a bloody waste. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Sylfaen, serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">I may quit playing for a while and just wait for the expansion and upgrades. I'm still really pissy about not being able to level up the Skills you want to improve. Hate. </span></div>
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</div>Havenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06219816721347558501noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7520905738626299560.post-3350103297370930002012-04-12T07:51:00.002-07:002012-04-12T07:52:40.151-07:00K is for Know Yourself<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<span class="googqs-tidbit"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="color: #cccccc;">“Who are <span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">you? </span>” said the Caterpillar. <o:p></o:p></span></span></i></b></span><br />
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<span style="color: #cccccc;"><span class="googqs-tidbit"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;">Alice replied, rather shyly, “I—I hardly know, sir,</span></i></b></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"> just at present—at least I know who I </span></i></b><em><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN" style="font-style: normal; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">was</span></b></em><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"> when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then.”<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></span><br />
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="color: #cccccc;">“What do you mean by that?” said the Caterpillar sternly. “Explain yourself!”<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></b><br />
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<span style="color: #cccccc;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;">“I can’t explain </span></i></b><em><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN" style="font-style: normal; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">myself,</span></b></em><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"> I’m afraid, sir,” said Alice, “because I’m not myself, you see.”<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></span><br />
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="color: #cccccc;">“I don’t see,” said the Caterpillar.<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></b><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">In my profile I say that I’m a whole lot of things that shouldn’t fit together. I have so many varying interests, so many contradictory parts, just a very complex personality. Often the things have no relation to one another but I like the kind of diversity I have in my life. There's something for everyone in me, in my 'personality'. For all my structure and need to be in control, there is no single box to categorize me with. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I'm never really sure why people are attracted to me. My disconnect is so normal for me that I simply don't see what other people see. And I don't understand why people are attracted to the things that they are concerning me. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">People take one look at me out in the real world and might think “Goth” or “Artsy”. If they manage the gumption to talk to me and realize I’m also “Athlete” and “Rocket Scientist” they’re initial conception of who I probably was is shattered. But then if I get to know them intimately, I also tend to reflect who they are as well. <br />
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I have sort of a paradoxical complex concerning the fact that I tend to mirror and project what people want (what I think they want); even if it's not something I would normally want doesn't that still make me the kind of person that likes to be something that other people want? So do I like the things I don't really like after all? On some meta level I think the answer is yes. But even then the ultimate issue comes back to wanting something for myself. I do recognize that the reason I probably reflect what others want to see, is that so people will stay with me and I gain their company, their affection, and their love in the process. <br />
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Complex.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I also find it easier to "be myself" when I have a role I know I'm supposed to play. At work I'm "an engineer". I know how I'm supposed to behave, I know how I'm supposed to act, I know what I don't want to project and bring into focus, so it's easy for my to tailor myself and slip into a role. <br />
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Just me on my own? Does personality exist when there is no one around to see it? Does it mean anything if there is no interaction? When I'm alone I'm creative, or quiet, I read, or I cook, or I do any number of things to keep me busy but I don't have anyone to act on or see me. I'm just me focused on the motions I choose to be going through. Hm. Does this constitute personality? <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The things I like are certainly a part of me. But who I am can be so fluid that I don’t always feel like I know all of me in the context of just myself, because often who I am is found in the people that I am surrounded with. </span><br />
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<center><a href="http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/p/2012-to-z-challenge-sign-up-list.html" target="_blank"><img src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-F_2FTjqTS54/TuQtisXmErI/AAAAAAAABfA/RxID960sQLI/s150/A%2Bto%2BZ%2BBadge%2B2012%2B%25281%2529.jpg" /></a></center></div>Havenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06219816721347558501noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7520905738626299560.post-28989957576099407252012-04-11T08:21:00.002-07:002012-04-11T08:21:47.968-07:00{ J } is for { J }ust Say No<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">I’m not saying I have a drinking problem, but others might. One thing I’ve never had a problem with though, is drugs. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve never been interested in screwing with my mind that way. I tried pot approximately 3 times in high school and hated it. I hated feeling slow. I hated feeling like I was floating. It was just awful. I’ve never done it since and I’ve never tried anything else either. All of my friends know this, but they still occasionally offer. Usually in a setting where other’s want to smoke up and it’s polite. Perhaps, hypocritically, I get a little annoyed when someone pipes up before I have a chance to decline when something like, “Oh don’t bother, she doesn’t smoke.” Like, I’m not cool enough to be in their little druggie club. When did drugs become cool? <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">I don’t have a problem with people having a little recreational fun. But there’s seems to be a two way street concerning Judgment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Either you don’t do drugs and you judge those that do as making poor life choices. Or you do drugs and you judge those that don’t as being some kind of prude to experimentation. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">Come on now. I’m all for a little experimentation, but I happen to use my brain on a daily basis and I don’t need to be fucking with my neurons any more than they’ve already been fucked with. Let’s face it, my biology is a little wacky to begin with and I don’t need to be tempting fate in ways that I have no control over. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">Reason #2 that I don’t smoke. The smell of it makes me physically nauseous. It turns my stomach. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">I hate that because I do say ‘No’ to drugs that it seems to make people uncomfortable around me too. Like I might narc on them. None of my friends are hardcore into drugs, they just smoke some weed now and again. I seriously don’t see what the big deal is. Who cares? If the government would just legalize that shit they could start regulating it and making a little profit by having one more thing to tax. <o:p></o:p></span></div><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">Anyways. You have your joint, I’ll have my beer. Can’t be all just get along without the judgment? </span></div>Havenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06219816721347558501noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7520905738626299560.post-72030570180899407582012-04-10T17:41:00.000-07:002012-04-10T17:41:09.241-07:00{I} is for {I}s it ever going to be enough....<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Fortunately without the Headache! I drink a lot for someone that is no longer living in a tiny cramped apartment on a college campus. It’s probably a problem and I swear I’m going to do something about it. But in the mean time, occasionally I have to deal with the dreaded hangover. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Now, I usually know my limit. When the room starts spinning, I’ve passed that point. When my best friend and I are falling on top of each other while dancing out at the gay bar. I’ve passed that point. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I can usually justify a bottle of wine. If you’ve every drank a bottle of wine, it really doesn’t seem like that much. It’s maybe the liquid equivalent of 3 bottles of beer. However the alcohol content is significantly higher, and wine is a sneaky little bastard that likes to creep up on you and hit you all at once. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I’ll be sipping my Sauvignon Blanc when all of a sudden I realize I’m on my 4<sup>th</sup> glass and the world is so much more fun! The only thing that usually stops me from drinking more is my obsession with counting calories. But when you put me with my best friend, all my good decision capabilities get drowned out in the next bottle that we open. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">H is also for Honest, because I’ve got to be… I don’t regret it for an instant. I rarely, rarely, rarely get to see her because we live 500 miles apart, so when I do, I have no inclination to Hold myself back. We feed of and build on each others energy and it’s one Hell of a Happy time. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">However. The next morning is a little rough. I really do Hate Hangovers. I can’t exercise. I don’t want to get out of bed. But at least I’m Happy in the knowledge that the night before I had a truly amazing and memorable night out. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><br />
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<center><a href="http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/p/2012-to-z-challenge-sign-up-list.html" target="_blank"><img src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-F_2FTjqTS54/TuQtisXmErI/AAAAAAAABfA/RxID960sQLI/s150/A%2Bto%2BZ%2BBadge%2B2012%2B%25281%2529.jpg" /></a></center></div>Havenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06219816721347558501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7520905738626299560.post-57361979139124330472012-04-08T11:18:00.000-07:002012-04-08T11:18:23.429-07:00G is for Gay and G is for Guilt<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style", "serif";">… but not the kind<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>you might think. I have straight guilt. Or guilt that comes about when I am in a straight, heterosexual relationships. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style", "serif";">Hi. I’m Haven. I am not, nor have I ever been: Straight. I know, shocker right? I guess if I have to I would say that I am “Bi”-Sexual, but I really hate the stigma associated with that. Really, I’m just sexual. I date people based on whether or not there is a mutual attraction present. The rest is just anatomy and that isn’t usually that important to me. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style", "serif";">Usually. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style", "serif";">Admittedly I have more problems dating men then dating women. I’ve never had the trauma with women that I’ve had with men. When I realized I was attracted to women, I never questioned it, I just started dating women to be sure. It was a struggle for me to realize how much I wasn’t typically attracted to men. There was a period for a few years where I honestly did think I was a lesbian. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style", "serif";">And sometimes, even now, I recognize that I do enjoy sex with some men, but when it comes to relationships, I definitely prefer the dynamic I have with women. I trust it more. I feel more like myself. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style", "serif";">I don’t feel like I’m denying a part of who I am. Which is where the guilt comes in when it comes to me dating men. For as much as I adore the guy I’m with now, and for as much as I’ve liked some of the men in my past, I always feel like something is missing for me. I feel like I’m denying a part of who I am because I can’t have an aspect of what I’m attracted to in the partner I’ve currently picked. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style", "serif";">And then I feel guilt on top of my guilt, because I feel like I’m being unfair to the person that I’m with. I give them everything I’m able to give, but because there’s that inkling of “what if” and “where is the rest of me”, I’m afraid I’m being false to them. It doesn’t really make me do anything differently, but I’m aware that there is something there, or not there, as the case may be. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style", "serif";">I wonder if anyone else who has a fluid sexuality ever feels this. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style", "serif";">I also wanted to highlight this spot that Brandon over at <a href="http://www.lostinidaho.me/2012/04/gay-mormon-students-at-byu-fight.html">My Own Private Idaho</a> posted today. It’s an anti-bullying campaign created by gay Mormon students at BYU. As mentioned before I am anti-religion personally, but I found this message of hope and acceptance incredibly touching. Have<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>look. </span></div><div></div><br />
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<center><a href="http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/p/2012-to-z-challenge-sign-up-list.html" target="_blank"><img src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-F_2FTjqTS54/TuQtisXmErI/AAAAAAAABfA/RxID960sQLI/s150/A%2Bto%2BZ%2BBadge%2B2012%2B%25281%2529.jpg" /></a></center></div></div>Havenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06219816721347558501noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7520905738626299560.post-27033942158621678862012-04-08T10:56:00.002-07:002012-04-08T10:56:40.109-07:00F is for Fantasy<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style", "serif";">Every night I lay me down to sleep in hopes that my subconscious will create for me a world beyond the realm of imagination. In dreams I live a new life. A different life. A better life. A tragic life. An exciting life. A life of Fantasy and Fun that I could never come up with in my waking hours. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style", "serif";">I live to escape the world I live in everyday. The dull and the daily have so little hold over me. I love to lose myself in a fantasy. Movies, books, and intriguing television show. It’s all a form of escapism that frees my mind from the mundane. But even those are nothing like living in dreams. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style", "serif";">I face monsters in my sleep. Vampires and zombies, ex boyfriends, ex friends, terrifying situations being chased through nightmare dreamscapes…. And sometimes the monster is me. Something I must face in myself. Fight and Free myself from the chains I have holding me back in my waking world. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style", "serif";">Other times my world is an adventure, wild and fulfilling. Flying through clouds, maneuvering through worlds that never existed, meeting creatures that bring joy, laughter and light into a life that has been oppressed by the chore of working 9-5p. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style", "serif";">Faces from my past and present meet and interplay one on top of another. New situations I never hoped to have mingle with experiences I’ve shared with people that weren’t worthy of the brightness I wished to show them. In my dreams I can re-envision how I would like the story to play out. How I’d like my happily ever after to present. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style", "serif";">In my dreams I am Free. I don’t always know what will happen. But I know that I will Feel every instant of it and when my eyes Finally open, I will have a new perspective on things I hope to never Forget. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div></div>Havenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06219816721347558501noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7520905738626299560.post-43519321768749032442012-04-08T10:33:00.002-07:002012-04-08T11:24:49.231-07:00E is for Eggs<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style", "serif";">….and how the government has no right to tell me what to do with mine. Seriously. I definitely inherited my father’s righteous anger for social injustice. So far I have read (<a href="http://refugeandasylum.blogspot.com/2012/03/birth-control-debate.html">and written) </a>about the state governments of Virginia, Arizona, and Georgia trying to interfere with the reproductive rights of women under the guise of “religious freedom”. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style", "serif";">Now. I’m not religious. I do believe that people deserve the freedom to believe whatever they want to believe. You believe in god? Good for you. You believe in many gods and goddesses? You have a better memory than I do for all those names. You believe in the tooth fairy? Good for freaking you. Just don’t start yanking out my teeth to appease your god. Your right to religious freedom stops. Stops. With you. You do not have any right to impose your beliefs on others in the name of your religious freedom when... Shocker… it violates the personal and religious freedoms of another human being. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style", "serif";">The government, an employer, a religious figurehead, has no right to tell me, or any woman what to do with our sexual and reproductive freedom. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style", "serif";">I have a theory. I think that some of the reason all of these women’s reproductive rights issues are coming to the forefront now… in the year 2012… is a backlash against the recent developments and progress made in the gay rights movement. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style", "serif";">I have a theory that old school conservative men in government feel threatened because the “traditional values” they hold are somehow being threatened. Never mind that how another person lives their life has no effect on the person living next door, but it’s a new way of living that challenges what these conservative ideals are used to. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style", "serif";">And they don’t like it. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style", "serif";">So in a desperate attempt to hold onto the things that they are comfortable with, they are trying to maintain their power, by taking away ours. By taking away our rights, by taking away our choice, by taking away our voice, they can hold on to the belief that the “right” way of living isn’t just an illusion of an era that no longer exists. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style", "serif";">Tell you what. Let’s make a deal. You live your way. I’ll live mine. I won’t tell you what to do. And you can keep your politics out of my vagina. Thanks. </span></div><br />
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<center><a href="http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/p/2012-to-z-challenge-sign-up-list.html" target="_blank"><img src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-F_2FTjqTS54/TuQtisXmErI/AAAAAAAABfA/RxID960sQLI/s150/A%2Bto%2BZ%2BBadge%2B2012%2B%25281%2529.jpg" /></a></center></div></div>Havenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06219816721347558501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7520905738626299560.post-28349341113033480782012-04-03T05:18:00.000-07:002012-04-03T05:18:45.475-07:00{C}hange and {D}eath<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div style="text-align: justify;">C is for Change, D is for Death</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Twofer post today as tomorrow I will be travelling. In a little over a week I will be sitting down to get my tattoo colored in. My tattoo is a skeletal phoenix which is representation of change and {symbolic} death in my life. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-QIg9dmY5rOo/T3rqGJAr8HI/AAAAAAAABCE/SulezvxyPK4/s1600/phoenix.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-QIg9dmY5rOo/T3rqGJAr8HI/AAAAAAAABCE/SulezvxyPK4/s320/phoenix.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b>Tattoo: </b></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">This is a Skeletal Phoenix. It is a marriage of two concepts that have been a part of my life for nearly as long as I can remember; the Phoenix and Death. What they represent to me is something I need to keep with me. I tend to lose my ability to hold onto things, people, concepts… and this is something I need to never forget. I need to constantly remind myself so that I do not fall to hopelessness with I am prone to. Talk about a need for some permanence. </div><div style="text-align: justify;">Every year, or two, or three, my life starts over. I crash, or burn, or both and I have to pick up and begin anew. Each time a little different than the time before, but it keeps going. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Phoenix - Phoenix imagery is just that: renewal and rebirth from the ashes of the past. I can never fully forget my past, but I can learn from it; leaving the char behind me and hopefully heal into a better place than I had been before. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Death - I’ve also been constructing my own Tarot deck. Meditating and drawing each card. While working on my Major Arcana, I got to my Death card and {a variant of} this image came to me immediately. I sketched the basic idea the minute I thought of it and knew I had to have this as a permanent reminder for myself. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">If you’ve ever studied the Tarot you will know that Death, is not representative of physical death. Interpretations vary slightly by deck but some of the meanings include: </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Ending of a cycle – Loss – Conclusion – Sadness – Transition into a new state – Psychological transformation – Finishing up – Regeneration – Elimination of old patterns – Being caught in the inescapable – Good byes – Deep change. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Typically it implies an end, possibly of a relationship or interest, and therefore implies an increased sense of self-awareness. An opening of new opportunities from the ending of those previous. When one region in your life empties, there opens a space to allow something new to replace it. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">The banner the Firebird holds says ‘Bás ’ which is Gaelic for ‘Death’. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">The Death card is generally depicted as skeletal so the combination of this imagery along with the phoenix inspired this idea of a skeletal phoenix. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">In my struggles, my life, becoming who I will become, the nature of life in general; it is strikingly obvious to me why all of these things are a part of me. This is a card of change. Transition. In the death of one thing springs the potential life of something else. Endings are not only endings, but also beginnings. Endings bring change. In change there is hope. With hope there is the possibility for a better life. A life worth living. </div><br />
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</div><div align="right"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="http://downwardspiralintothevortex.blogspot.com/2011/05/life-death-rebirth-and-renewal-tattoo.html"><span style="font-size: x-small;">x-posted</span></a> </span></div></div>Havenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06219816721347558501noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7520905738626299560.post-18913805429044949342012-04-02T06:21:00.002-07:002012-04-02T06:21:37.409-07:00B is for Books<center><a href="http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/p/2012-to-z-challenge-sign-up-list.html" target="_blank"><img src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-F_2FTjqTS54/TuQtisXmErI/AAAAAAAABfA/RxID960sQLI/s150/A%2Bto%2BZ%2BBadge%2B2012%2B%25281%2529.jpg" /></a></center><br />
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<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Reading is one of my favorite forms of escapism. I lose myself to the words on each page and let the inner dialogue suffuse through my soul. It may appear to just be some words on paper bound together, held by my hands but the literal description of what a book is, does not capture even the smallest glimpse of what a book does. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Each book is alive. A journey. A place I never believed possible. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Travelling through time and space beyond the ability of physics and the imagination. For a few hours I shed my skin and become someone else. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">As my eyes roam across the words, without my consciousness knowing I seem to slip into a cinema. I am no longer reading, but seeing the words play out before me. My imagination so vivid as to make the words dance and sing, each with their own voice and color. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Books to me are a way to leave behind the pain and heartache I so often feel. The dreary days of stress and boredom that drags me down through the world of the mundane. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">At 30 years old I still curl up in bed with a flashlight each night and read myself to sleep. Covers pulled up close, my cat cuddled near, as I shine my light into a new adventure that follows me into my subconscious. My mind picking up and placing me into the plot after my eyes close and I drift off to sleep. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">There as I fall asleep. There when I finally awake. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">In life I have my own little library. In this day and age of electronics, kindles, and e-Readers, I still love my books. I’ve heard all the arguments and the wonder that comes with this technology but there’s just something I can’t replace in my books. I like the look of my shelves filled with volumes and tomes of places I’ve been, gone, and seen. It may seem silly, but it’s something I simply cannot bring myself to give up. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div></div>Havenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06219816721347558501noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7520905738626299560.post-86926439633205406332012-04-02T06:18:00.000-07:002012-04-02T06:18:01.135-07:00A is for All Aboard<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<center><a href="http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/p/2012-to-z-challenge-sign-up-list.html" target="_blank"><img src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-F_2FTjqTS54/TuQtisXmErI/AAAAAAAABfA/RxID960sQLI/s150/A%2Bto%2BZ%2BBadge%2B2012%2B%25281%2529.jpg" /></a></center><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" dir="ltr" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;" trbidi="on"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I dream of travelling. I would love to live a life of adventure and discovery. I’ve spent so much of my life learning of different cultures and places that I’d like to explore. And yet I never manage to get very far. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify;" trbidi="on"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" dir="ltr" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;" trbidi="on"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I take one real vacation a year with the time I painstakingly save up from work. Every year my friends all come together and go to the same place. All of us bring our costumes, and gear, and tents, and booze and set up our camp for a week or two together. All of us. All together. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify;" trbidi="on"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" dir="ltr" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;" trbidi="on"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s a wonderful time but when rifts develop it’s difficult to enjoy it all. Things change. People change. And eventually nothing is really the same. The joy the brought me back year after year, slowly slips away until finally I long for a change of my choosing. I think that’s the problem. Often change is out of my hands. Against my will. It’s hard to watch the things you love get swept up and swept away in the whirlwinds of time. It makes me feel helpless and resentful of my humanity. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify;" trbidi="on"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" dir="ltr" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;" trbidi="on"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Even change of my choice is not easy. The anxiety that accompanies picking a new path is paralyzing. They’ll be so disappointed if I do not join them again like I always do. I never feel like I contribute to their merriment but I never feel like I’m good for much of anything despite what everyone tells me. I’ll be sad and maybe a bit jealous to let them have their fun without me. To think that they could have an even better time if I weren’t there. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify;" trbidi="on"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" dir="ltr" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;" trbidi="on"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">But I know what that place holds. I crave something new. Something different. It’s so strange though. Dozens of us do this every year. I want to try something new… but with who? <o:p></o:p></span></div><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify;" trbidi="on"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" dir="ltr" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;" trbidi="on"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sometimes you have to let your past go, to see what your future will bring I suppose. <o:p></o:p></span></div></div>Havenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06219816721347558501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7520905738626299560.post-36133331218580747242012-03-19T09:42:00.002-07:002012-03-19T09:42:16.089-07:00A Delightfully Uneventful Weekend =)<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">Wow, would you look at that, my weekend was “normal”. I declined an invitation to hang out with Tech Boy on Friday night. I was tired from stress and frankly super self-conscious. The weather has been changing and it really dries out my skin. My finger cracked and my lip cracked and I was embarrassed by how it looked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He didn’t care but not going out in public because of an uncomfortable physical flaw is one of my more rational anti-social seclusions into self-consciousness. Egads. I drank too much wine, listened to Roommate and her bf talk about the problems with biblical inconsistencies (which was absolutely hysterical) and played my video games. I had a nice mellow night. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">Saturday I woke up at 7:15a.m., still managed to get to the gym a bit late (8:05a.m.), and only had time for a 50 minute run before my 1.5 hour weights/core/abs class. My ass and my shoulders are still sore! Great workout. My body is feeling really good right now. I’m very happy with the direction my workout intensity is going. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">Saturday night, Tech Boy wanted to hang out with some friends he has at work and catch a Billy Joel cover band. Come on, who doesn’t love Billy Joel? I was skeptical because it was St. Patrick’s Day, and if you know me, you know that while I may be very Irish, I HATE St. Patrick. Asshole. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">He picked me up and took me to a silly nice restaurant. It was much classier than we’d expected. Almost laughably so. Right down to the valet parking that required a 10 foot drive to settle the car. Seriously? Yeah, we spent half the dinner making fun of the ambiance and pretending to be snooty. Class. We’ve got it. Right =} <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">He bought me dinner. He’s been doing this more and more. When we first started “hanging out” it was always split even,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>paying for what we consumed so we never owed each other anything. Lately he’s been buying my drinks, paying for dinners and generally being a gentleman about such things. It’s unexpected in a really sweet way. Not that I’d let him get away with that all the time. I have to be all liberated and stuff occasionally. Not that he’d be able to forget it considering how I’ve been ranting about politics and women’s reproductive rights lately. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">There’s another rant that came up that I’ll share in another post. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">But yeah, I was driving for the night anyways, and he appreciated that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We went to some bar, there were lots of drinks for him. I only had two beers and cut myself off super, super early. Being a designated driver means I probably shouldn’t have even had that, but two drinks over the course of 6 hours isn’t going to register on a breathalyzer so I figured I was fine. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">We met up with one of the guys from work (another group) that he’s friends with. I’d seen this guy around but I don’t pay attention to people unless they get in my face. Some people think this is snobby. I think I’m just awkward and don’t know how to talk to people I don’t know and really want to avoid it at all costs if I can. So if I had any questions about whether some people from work knew about us, well, someone definitely does now. We’re basically an open “secret” at this point anyways. That’s what Tech Boy says. I’m choosing to remain oblivious. It’s easier for me to pretend that people don’t know. It’s easier for me to pretend that people don’t notice me at all. Which is apparently ludicrous because I’m kind of hard to miss in the environment that I’m working. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">I’m feeling all gooey about him lately. I had a tremendous amount of guilt when I told him I didn’t want ot hang out Friday night. Worries that he’d be upset (even though we really had non prior plans), or that he’d find someone else to be with that would make more time for him – girl wise… I know I’m silly. These are the things that run through my mind. We got back from the bar pretty late and my gooey girly guts started leaking out. We crawled into bed and he wrapped himself around me. I couldn’t resist telling him that I had a lot of fun but this was still my favorite part of the night. Even better was when he agreed. I still think stuff like that are lines that men have learned to say back, but still. It’s sweet to hear. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">Waking up. ::sigh:: I just, can’t get over how much I love sleeping with him. Feeling his lips on the back of my neck, his chest pressed against me. It drives me the best kind of crazy. When did I become so sappy? ::deeper sigh:: <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">Eventually he left but he was coming back later. I made a big dinner for him, Roommate, and her bf. Pork Tenderloin with Caramelized Pears and a Pear Brandy Cream Sauce, Wild Mushroom Risotto, and sautéed Green Beans with Toasted Almonds. The risotto and the green beans were fabulous. I’m told the pork tenderloin was perfect (I’m strict vegetarian remember – no pork for me). <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Cooking is an art form for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s also pretty zen. I love the creative process, even though sometimes my grocery trips fill me with a fantastic rage (people in grocery stores are seriously stupid sometimes). I love setting everything out. Prepping my space. Gathering all my ingredients together. Pulling it all together in one glorious presentation. And finally watching other people enjoy something that I made just for them. I love cooking for people. It makes me happy. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">It makes me sad when I have to go to bed though. I still have anxiety about sleeping. Especially about sleeping alone. I need to read my book to fall asleep. And my cat if he can be bothered to curl up with me. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">Monday always comes too quick. Why can’t we have more 3 day weekends?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So yeah, normal normal normal. Nothing out of the ordinary. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">I did e-mail K on Friday night. I was a little drunk.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lamenting my poor decisions that cost me her friendship in exchange for the disfunction I had with Friend. All I said was, “You were right. I’m sorry.” I didn’t expect to hear back from her. She replied with, “I honestly don’t know what to say to that.” I told her she didn’t have to say anything if she didn’t want to but I wanted her to know. ::sigh:: I wish more than most things that we could be friends again. It’s a futile wish, I know, but it still hurts that I made such a big mistake with her. So just one impulsive decision in a weekend that could have been filled with impulsive decisions. I’m not sorry I made this one either. Though I fluxuated wildly at the time. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">There’s always something. I’m just glad those somethings are closer to nothings. <o:p></o:p></span></div></div>Havenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06219816721347558501noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7520905738626299560.post-52005257060838152962012-03-15T06:29:00.000-07:002012-03-15T06:29:30.476-07:00Bourbon Street<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">Because this song just makes me freaking happy<br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Bourbon Street </span></b><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">by<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> Jeff Tuohy<o:p></o:p></b></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">I’ve been living in sin for about a month<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Something turns me round it’s something that I just<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Can’t understand, the way I behave.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Some people you can never save.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">On my right hand, I’ve got a girl in my ear<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">And in my left hand, I’m throwing back a beer.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">What can I say? Of me, you steer clear<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">When I driving down on Bourbon Street, yeah<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Cuz every night we through this little soiree<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Gonna turn her head until she’s mine, all mine<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Every night I breed a new disaster<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">I might be right, I might be wrong<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Try to get away and I will bring you right along, so <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Sit back, have a seat<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Sometimes salty, sometimes sweet<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Hard to swallow, but fun to eat<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">You ain’t never leaving Bourbon Street, come on!<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">When I walk the street people step aside<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Twirling my cane and smiling wide<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Some would say I’m a carnal slave<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">I put my hands on what I crave<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">I’m the mayor of this crazy town<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Where the queens will party with the clown<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Try to swim with me and you’re bound to drown<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Throw you a line while you’re going down<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Yeah, I know this street and I own this crowd<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">And my only companion is a lightning cloud<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">I seem real nice and easy to trust<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Ashes to ashes and dust to dust<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">I’m gonna lead you a path to self-destruct <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">On this crazy train that I conduct.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">And it’s a one, two, three..<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Cuz every night we through this little soiree<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Gonna turn her head until she’s mine, all mine<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Every night I breed a new disaster<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">I might be right, I might be wrong<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Try to get away and I will bring you right along, so <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Sit back, have a seat<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Sometimes salty, sometimes sweet<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Hard to swallow, but fun to eat<o:p></o:p></span></div><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">You ain’t never leaving Bourbon Street.</span></div>Havenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06219816721347558501noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7520905738626299560.post-6902674315374744402012-03-14T10:23:00.004-07:002012-03-15T12:11:12.392-07:00Birth Control Debate<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">I am furious. Absolutely livid. <br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">You may have seen or heard about the states trying to pass laws concerning insurance companies providing Birth Control to employers. Several states are trying to pass laws inhibiting the ability of women to get the birth control use covered by medical insurance. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #cccccc;">Two cases in particular have had me pretty riled up.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Sylfaen; mso-fareast-font-family: Sylfaen;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><a href="http://thinkprogress.org/health/2012/02/16/426850/democratic-women-boycott-issas-contraception-hearing-for-preventing-women-from-testifying/?mobile=nc">Democratic Women Boycott House ContraceptionHearing After Republicans Prevent Women From Testifying.</a></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="color: #cccccc;"><span class="commentbody"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Sylfaen; mso-fareast-font-family: Sylfaen;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">a.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">First off, a male run committee is banning women from the courtroom. This is a violation of legal procedure and a blatant act of discrimination. </span><span class="commentbody"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma;">This committee banned women from participating in a legal proceeding. </span></b></span><span class="commentbody"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma;">This is not acceptable. This issue does not affect a man’s reproductive rights, it affects a woman's reproductive rights and they have denied the women that would be effected by this issue the right to defend her own rights and perspectives. They flat out said "No Women Allowed" to participate in this legal proceeding that effects their rights as citizens of this country. This is immoral in terms of equality in our justice system.</span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span><span class="commentbody"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div><span style="color: #cccccc;"><br />
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="color: #cccccc;"><span class="commentbody"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Sylfaen; mso-fareast-font-family: Sylfaen;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">b.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></span><span class="commentbody"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma;">The employer themselves are not handing out the birth control. Employees have to go through insurance companies and pharmacies for that. All the employer is doing is allowing FOR THE CHOICE of the employee to choose whether or not that option is cohesive with their lifestyle. If the employer has a religious objection to contraceptive use that is absolutely ok. The employer can choose not to use it and that is his/her choice. HOWEVER, he does not have the right to tell his employees what they can or cannot do in their personal lives. That is infringement on personal privacy and freedom. </span></span></span><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma;"><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /><span style="color: #cccccc;"> <br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /> </span></span><span class="commentbody"></span><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p></o:p></span></div><span style="color: #cccccc;"><br />
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;"><span class="commentbody"><span lang="EN" style="color: #cccccc; font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma;">Any man or woman is allowed to hold whatever religious beliefs they choose. That's fine. However, religious freedom stops there. They have no right to force those beliefs on others or use those beliefs to control the lives of the people around them. In fact, I believe escaping this problem was why people set sail from the mother country and started their very own colonies. </span></span><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma;"><br />
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</span></span><span class="commentbody"></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: #cccccc;">Religious freedom is a personal path. Having religious freedom does not mean you have a right to impose your beliefs on anyone else. That would be impinging on the religious freedom of others who may not feel that these mandates are sacrilegious. <br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /> <br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span style="color: #cccccc;"><br />
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="color: #cccccc;"><span class="commentbody"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Sylfaen; mso-fareast-font-family: Sylfaen;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">c.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></span><span class="commentbody"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma;">People assume that it is easy for women to pay out of pocket for contraceptives, and look at it as if it's just as easily accessible without insurance. Limiting the availability will make it harder to obtain. Birth control can cost over a hundred dollars a month, because there are different pills and forms of contraception for different bodies and needs. This does not always provide for an affordable solution to women who need hormone therapy for whatever their medical use. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div><span style="color: #cccccc;"><br />
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="color: #cccccc;"><span class="commentbody"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Sylfaen; mso-fareast-font-family: Sylfaen;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">d.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></span><span class="commentbody"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma;">Birth control isn't just being used as contraceptive (Which brings us to our next issue). Birth control is used to regulate and treat many female related medical problems. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hormone contraceptives regulate hormones! Shocker. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div><span style="color: #cccccc;"><br />
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 1in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="color: #cccccc;"><span class="commentbody"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Sylfaen; mso-fareast-font-family: Sylfaen;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></span><span class="commentbody"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma;">Often women have severe hormonal imbalances and hormone contraception brings the female system back into balance and establishes a normal hormonal pattern. i.e. PMDD. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div><span style="color: #cccccc;"><br />
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 1in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="color: #cccccc;"><span class="commentbody"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Sylfaen; mso-fareast-font-family: Sylfaen;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></span><span class="commentbody"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma;">Birth control is used to regulate and return menstruation in women that have stopped menstruating due to hormone issues. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div><span style="color: #cccccc;"><br />
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 1in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="color: #cccccc;"><span class="commentbody"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Sylfaen; mso-fareast-font-family: Sylfaen;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></span><span class="commentbody"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma;">It is used to lessen ovarian cysts in people with Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div><span style="color: #cccccc;"><br />
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 1in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span class="commentbody"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Sylfaen; mso-fareast-font-family: Sylfaen;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="color: #cccccc;">4.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></span></span><span class="commentbody"><span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma;"><span style="color: #cccccc;">It reduces acne issues.</span> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">2. <a href="http://www.aclu.org/blog/reproductive-freedom/use-birth-control-youre-fired">Use Birth Control? You’re Fired! In Arizona<o:p></o:p></a></span></div>Employers in Arizona are trying to force women to provide proof that their contraceptive use is for non-contraception purposes in order to have it covered by medical insurance. <br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="color: #cccccc; font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">How about medical confidentiality? No one besides you and your doctor has the right to private medical information. A person’s medical history is confidential. Employers have no right to access employee medical history. Forcing women to provide ‘proof of medical need’ is invasive and violates a persons right to privacy. </span><span class="commentbody"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span style="color: #cccccc;"><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #cccccc;">Think about it, how would you feel if you had to sit down with your boss and discuss your reproductive health issues? As a man, how comfortable would you be talking to your boss about your need for medication to correct erectile dysfunction or to authorize a prostate exam? So why is it ok to try and force women to talk about their reproductive medical issues. Yes, Mr. Paysme I have poly cystic ovarian syndrome which means I have small cysts lining my ovaries. The only treatment available is hormone contraceptive. Would you please authorize the insurance company to pay for my medication so that the large number of cysts developing on the interior of my ovum do not continue to grow and potentially make me infertile? Is this really a conversation that your boss has any right to be having with you? No. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span style="color: #cccccc;"><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span class="commentbody"><span style="color: #cccccc;"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma;">Since this is running on a “religious freedom” platform… When did the x-tian males/politicians forget that Free Will is one of the religious tenets set out by their god? To deny a woman the right to choose what is best for her is to deny her 'god given right' of free will.</span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> If they run on a religious freedom platform, then it can be said that not allowing a woman the choice to be on birth control violates the woman’s religious beliefs if she believes religiously that she has free will. <span style="font-family: Sylfaen;">While I understand that many men wish women didn’t have free will, we’re no longer living in the good ole days of the 1950’s.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Women can vote now and everything. Get used to it. </span><span lang="EN" style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma;"><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /></span><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div><span style="color: #cccccc;"><br />
</span><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma;"><span style="color: #cccccc;">You can’t have a law that cries “This is my religious freedom!” when that law would potentially violate the religious freedom of the people it effects. <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma;"><span style="color: #cccccc;"> That's not even touching on the issue that not everyone is the same religion and that being on birth control does not violate other peoples religious beliefs. However, I'm willing to bet that being oppressed and being persecuted by a majority would be against the beliefs of many. <br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /> </span></span><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;"></span><o:p></o:p></div><span style="color: #cccccc;"><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #cccccc;">How about this. In fairness to equal rights, if we are going to police womens sexual reproductive choices, we should police men’s as well. Men should have restricted and documented access to condom purchase. Women should stop taking birth control, and also offering sex, except in the sole instances that they are trying to conceive a child. Finally, men must stop masturbating. After all, spilling a man’s seed is a waste of gods gift. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span style="color: #cccccc;"><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #cccccc;">No one has the right to come into your home and police your sexual activity. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span style="color: #cccccc;"><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #cccccc;">No one has the right to decide when and/or if you have children. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span style="color: #cccccc;"><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #cccccc;">Procreation isn’t a requirement in life, it’s a choice in life. Being on birth control doesn’t mean people won’t ever have children. It means that people are choosing when it is in their best interest to. If they choose to. Employers, politicians, the government… none of the people have the right to tell a person if and when they must have children. Preventing the ability to plan, or not, for a family is doing just that. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span style="color: #cccccc;"><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #cccccc;">These laws are discriminatory. The theory is that “they’re protecting the religious freedom of the employer”. If you buy that, and while I do recognize that there are conservative women that support these laws, the majority of the politicians pushing for these regulations are overwhelmingly male. Men do not have to live with the consequences of these laws. Only women do. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span style="color: #cccccc;"><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #cccccc;">All these laws come down to power. Employers trying to exert their personal power, under the guise of religious freedom, in order to control the choices of female employees. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span style="color: #cccccc;"><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="color: #cccccc;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">Also as a related side note, some legislators would like to </span><span class="commentbody"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma;">define beginning of life at the egg stage. Hah! Um, does that mean every time I menstruate I'm having an abortion? By this logic, employers should ENCOURAGE birth control pills because birth control works by stopping ovulation. If an egg is not release then it cannot be fertilized, but by extension it will also remain alive and viable in the ovary. So really, birth control is PRESERVING the potential for life by not "killing" the egg that is lost during un-impregnated menstruation. </span></span></span><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma;"><br />
<span style="color: #cccccc;"> <br />
<span class="commentbody">I think I just found a flaw in someone’s logic.</span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span style="color: #cccccc;"><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #cccccc;">Politicians are dumb.</span> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div></div>Havenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06219816721347558501noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7520905738626299560.post-82083422332019666332012-02-29T10:02:00.000-08:002012-02-29T10:02:34.994-08:00An evening of Subconcious Cinema...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><Dream from last night.> <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-add-space: auto;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">I was attending some theater performance. It was at a place where I was familiar like a school. In part this production was a ruse to keep me in one place. Someone was searching for me with the intent of killing me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Somehow I knew this. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div><br />
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-add-space: auto;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">I exited the building when many people were leaving. I did my best to avoid attracting attention as I walked with people, getting lost in the crowd, to the road. When I finally got to the road I realized I’d need a ride to get away, to get anywhere. One man (whom I worked with) saw me but didn’t have his care yet so just waved. Another in a yellow jeep, pulled up and told me to get in. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div><br />
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-add-space: auto;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><skip> <o:p></o:p></span></i></div><br />
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-add-space: auto;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">I was outside of the theater/school in an outdoor courtyard. I could see the ocean from where I was. There was a person there. Tall. Shadowed. Boring-Ex was there as well. The tall figure was holding a gun/rifle. I got the gun and intended to use it if need be. Boring-Ex came back to me and handed me a very lovely seashell. I felt like this was some kind of peace offering for me to remember good times. I saw a few other whole, and very lovely seashells on the ground. Picked them up and put them to the side of the courtyard. Something happened and I knew my life was in jeopardy. I shot Boring-Ex in the forehead. I took off. Somewhere I lost the gun. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div><br />
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-add-space: auto;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">I went back into the building. I was in a back dressing room/bathroom/classroom area. There were a ton of people milling around. I tried to sneak behind a back wall to hide and remain unnoticed by anyone passing through. Someone saw me and I knew it wouldn’t stay safe. As I was pushing my way out, someone else that was looking out for me pressed a small revolver into my hand because I had lost my larger gun. I would lose this too. He also gave me a utility style knife (like a swiss army knife will all the pull out things). One of the people that was looking at me was a thin blonde woman.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every second I stayed where I was I felt the impending confrontation coming closer and closer. I ran through rooms, pushing through people, squeezing through the most unlikely exits to get someplace I couldn’t be tracked or found. No matter where I went I was never safe for long. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div><br />
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-add-space: auto;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">I finally got to one area. I walked up stairs. There were a lot of people standing in the hall and stairway. I opened the door and it was a dance studio; bright lights, hardwood floor, ballet rail, wall of mirrors. I ran to the other side and ducked into a utility closet. The blonde woman, in an attempt to disguise herself did herself up in some pretty tacky make-up and an obvious, yet still blonde, wig. I knew she was coming and started fumbling with the utility knife. All the pull outs were useless things though; spoon, nail file, corkscrew,… finally I opened something that passed as a dull short knife. She found me, we struggled, and I stabbed her. Deliberately on the front. She fell on her stomach. I stabbed her twice more. Once in the back of the neck. I recall the hesitation before each time, but the certain need of it too, and the exact amount of pressure that was required to break the resistance of her skin. As she lay on the ground in front of me, the man that I was really running from, approached. Tall, broad, bald, like a hit man thug. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div><br />
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">I don’t remember anything else, only that there was a lot of other stuff going on. It was also striking just how many people were constantly surrounding me. I don’t recall ever having a dream that was so consistently overwhelmed by other people. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div style="margin: 5pt 6pt;"><b><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Crowd</span></b><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div style="margin: 5pt 6pt;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">To dream that you are in or part of a crowd suggests that you need some space for yourself. You need solitude to reflect on a situation and recharge your energy. Consider also the familiar phrase of "going along with the crowd" which implies conformity and lack of individuality. Perhaps you feel that your own opinion doesn't count or matter. Alternatively, dreaming of a crowd means that you need to incorporate the various aspects of the crowd into your own persona.</span><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div style="margin: 5pt 3.75pt 5pt 6pt;"><a href="" name="Seashells"><strong><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Seashells</span></strong></a><span style="mso-bookmark: Seashells;"></span><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div style="margin: 5pt 3.75pt 5pt 6pt;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">To see seashells in your dream represent security and protection. You are not showing your true self or real feelings. In protecting yourself from getting hurt, you are also becoming reclusive and emotionally closed off. </span><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div style="margin: 5pt 6pt;"><a href="" name="Stab"></a><a href="" name="Gun"><span style="mso-bookmark: Stab;"><b><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Gun</span></b></span></a><span style="mso-bookmark: Gun;"></span><span style="mso-bookmark: Stab;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div style="margin: 5pt 6pt;"><span style="mso-bookmark: Stab;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">To see a gun in your dream represents aggression, anger, and potential danger. You could be on the defensive about something. Or you may be dealing with issues of passiveness/aggressiveness and authority/dependence. Alternatively, a gun is a symbol of power and pride. Perhaps you are looking for shelter or protection in your dream. From a Freudian perspective, a gun represents the penis and male sexual drive. Thus, the gun may mean power or impotence, depending on whether the gun went off or misfired.</span></span><span style="mso-bookmark: Stab;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div style="margin: 5pt 6pt;"><span style="mso-bookmark: Stab;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">(If guns are a normal part of your life than this interpretation may not be accurate and merely a reflection of something you are involved with often.) </span></span><span style="mso-bookmark: Stab;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div style="margin: 5pt 6pt;"><span style="mso-bookmark: Stab;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">To dream that you shoot someone with a gun denotes your aggressive feeling and hidden anger toward that particular person. You may be trying to blame them for something. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div style="margin: 5pt 3.75pt 5pt 6pt;"><span style="mso-bookmark: Stab;"><strong><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Stab</span></strong></span></div><div style="margin: 5pt 3.75pt 5pt 6pt;"><br />
</div><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">To dream that you stab someone indicates your fear of betrayal and your untrusting nature. You are being overly defensive.</span><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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</div>I may be a little defensive. Yes. And probably more than a little untrusting. I'm still unsure of what the crowding of people around me means though. I'm not overly crowded in my life. Though I am very overwhelmed right now. <br />
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><Dream 2><o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-add-space: auto;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">This weekend I also had a dream that I was fighting as Sith. The Sith I was fighting used a double bladed staff like Darth Maul. I remember laughing in my mind because I had dual shoto and he didn’t stand a chance. Which he didn’t. I killed him. I knew this would end badly for me when I was discovered though. I ran back to my apartment to gather my things so I could take off. My bathroom had two stalls. One for my roommate (who was Buffy) and the other with all my shower supplies. For whatever reason Buffy was having sex in my shower with her boyfriend. I took a quick shower, grabbed one of her towels, and finally had to kick them out of my shower stall so I could get my stuff. As dropped the towel on top of my bench. At that moment the FBI/police walked in. One of them grabbed the towel and told them to analyze it for blood. Surely that was what I’d used to wipe my light sabers clean. What? In my mind I was laughing because who the fuck wipes a light saber blade clean? It’s vaporize whatever you were ‘cleaning’ it with instantly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They determined that since my towel was clean I must not have killed the other guy. They left. There was something about mens shoes. I took off. </span></i></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-add-space: auto;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-add-space: auto;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-add-space: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">My brain is bizarre. And more than a little geektastic. </span></div></div>Havenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06219816721347558501noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7520905738626299560.post-28059901902259777972012-02-13T07:23:00.001-08:002012-02-13T09:04:12.910-08:0030 Seconds Changes It All<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">WARNING: Sexual violence. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">This weekend was wonderful. Until it wasn’t. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">Friday was a very mellow night. I was happy with that. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">Saturday I woke up early, got dolled up and headed over to Tech Boys. It was his birthday and we were supposed to take a ferry out to Connecticut for the day. Unfortunately after a very long drive, when we got to the docks we found out that the ferry was no longer running “for the winter”. The website said nothing about this and specifically said that it was running special times for the next couple weekends. Tech Boy was really disappointed. I dropped him back off at his place and we resolved to do something else later. I felt terrible though I know this was not my fault and wanted to make sure he had a great evening. He came over around 6:30p and we went out for a really nice Steakhouse dinner and grabbed a few drinks. He is having a joint birthday celebration with his sister in a couple weeks. He wants me to come out, meet his sister, and a bunch of his friends. I thought that was a great idea. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">Afterwards, we came back to my apartment and hung out with Roommate and her boyfriend. I had gotten Tech Boy some specialty craft beers which he promptly demolished as the evening evolved. We talked a lot, laughed, started to watch a movie, snuggled. He was uncharacteristically affectionate in front of Roommate and her boyfriend. He’s not really one for overt amounts of public displays of affection but he was happy to wrap his arms around me, tilt my head up to kiss my lips, and just randomly kissed the top of my head occasionally while giving me an extra squeeze here and there. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">We kept drinking. He drank a lot. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">Eventually I could tell it was getting on ‘frisky’ time so I moved our part of the evening into my bedroom. I pushed him down on the bed and proceded to tear his clothes off. Things got hot and heavy as they usually do for a couple hours. Things were a little sloppier than usual because he was so drunk, but I didn’t really care. It’s his birthday so I figured whatever, sex is pretty much just for fun anyways. We also have a tendency to get a bit rough, which is something I usually enjoy. I have very few sexual boundaries. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">One thing I cannot deal with; one boundary I do have – I do not allow being hit, especially in the face. I will not stand for it. He violated that boundary. It had never happened before, with anyone (not in a sexual setting anyways). He was so drunk, and things were occasionally clumsy that the first time it happened I honestly thought it was an accident and he just caught my cheek funny. It wasn’t very hard. The second time I was in momentary shock. The third time it happened I pushed him back and told him if he ever hit me in the face again I’d rip his dick off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I meant it. He believed me. This happened probably over the course of 20-30 seconds, maybe less. He immediately got off of me, laid back, pulled me close, wrapped his arms tight around me, and passed out. I was livid. Furious. And trying to hold back the tears, which was the most frustrating of it all. I wanted to kick his ass out of my apartment and watch him freeze in the cold, but he was passed out flat and I couldn’t do anything at all. I didn’t see that coming. I knew this was a sexual fantasy he’d had. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He had mentioned it very briefly once, but I had told him that was never ok. That was it. He was SO drunk I’m not even sure he remembers it happened. I remember. I’m so hurt. How do I trust him after that? I just laid there shaking in fury, confusion, and sadness. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;">I went from enjoying a mutually pleasing, and steadily evolving relationship to fighting back a wrath and sadness I never expected. Big changes happen so fast. My entire perception of him changed in one drunken instant. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">We woke up. We had sex a couple times as if nothing unusual happened though I couldn’t look at him. I made a huge breakfast of my special old fashioned buttermilk waffles, sausage, and home-style hash browns for us, Roommate, and boyfriend. He stayed late as we all sat around chatting. Eventually he left. I went to the gym, took a nap, made dinner, and generally avoided thinking about it. Until I lay down to go to sleep and had nothing but blackness and room for my thoughts. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">This is often how I work. I suppress. I avoid. I seethe internally. I continue on as if everything is normal until I’ve had a chance to process. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">When I was younger I would have exploded instantly. I’ve completely turned 180 degrees from acting out to acting in/not at all. Neither is appropriate. Neither is healthy. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">I need to talk to him. I’ve resolved to do that. I can’t see him again; I certainly can’t sleep with him again, until we talk this thing out. This may be the end of him though. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">That’s a lot of loss for one week. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">It shouldn’t even be a question. I should end it. Shouldn’t I? I just, don’t know how to think this way. I feel like I need to give him a chance to explain if he even can. I can’t help thinking that if it happens once, what’s to stop it from happening again. Especially if he’s drunk, can’t remember, and wasn’t ‘in control of his own actions’, then there’s really no predicting the problem. That’s dangerous. I’m not afraid of him. I don’t get drunk enough that I can’t defend myself. Not after the time Evil-Ex tried to kill me. But I’ve been in that place before. I’m not going to let the potential for that to happen again. But this wasn’t an angry he hates me for destroying his manipulative games kind of thing like it was for Evil-Ex. This was a sexual fantasy, while mentally hurtful, wasn’t physically hurtful as much as it was shocking. I don’t think he would ever hit me or hurt me ‘for real’. This was still a major violation of one of the very few boundaries that is important to me. It’s absolutely disrespectful. I do feel violated. My mental safety especially was violated. That’s not ok. No one has the right to do that. He doesn’t know about Evil-Ex, or any of that, but that shouldn’t matter. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Sylfaen","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">I’ll talk to him. See what he has to say. Then decide. I guess. Am I going about this right? Should I even give him a chance to explain? I just don’t know. Simply acting would be so much easier. Trying to reason my way through things is hard, but it’s healthier, right? <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div></div>Havenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06219816721347558501noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7520905738626299560.post-23896767626983822222012-02-04T19:14:00.001-08:002012-02-04T19:15:19.932-08:00She Walks in Beauty<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
This is the poem one of my exes decided to send me for my Birthday a few days ago. I'm glad we've managed to stay friends. <br />
<br />
George Gordon, Lord Byron <br />
<br />
She Walks in Beauty<br />
<br />
<br />
She walks in beauty, like the night<br />
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;<br />
And all that's best of dark and bright<br />
Meet in her aspect and her eyes:<br />
Thus mellowed to that tender light<br />
Which heaven to gaudy day denies.<br />
<br />
One shade the more, one ray the less,<br />
Had half impaired the nameless grace<br />
Which waves in every raven tress,<br />
Or softly lightens o'er her face;<br />
Where thoughts serenely sweet express,<br />
How pure, how dear their dwelling-place.<br />
<br />
And on that cheek, and o'er that brow,<br />
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,<br />
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,<br />
But tell of days in goodness spent,<br />
A mind at peace with all below,<br />
A heart whose love is innocent! </div>Havenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06219816721347558501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7520905738626299560.post-62859396426111616662012-01-15T08:41:00.000-08:002012-01-15T08:41:12.614-08:0016 Things atheists need theists to know<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">Here's a post I found quite amusing. As you may have gathered I have a rather bizarre mishmosh of spiritual beliefs though I do consider myself an atheist. I saw this and thought I'd share because believe it or not, it comes up way more often than you'd think. And for the record, some of my best friends are theists =P haha.<br />
<br />
<div class="Header" style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 19px; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="Header" style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 19px; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.iamanatheist.com/index.html"><img alt="16 Things Atheists Need Christians to Know" border="0" height="177" hspace="0" src="http://www.iamanatheist.com/images/16_things.gif" vspace="0" width="361" /></a></div><div class="Header" style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 19px; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="Legal" style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 0.7em; text-align: center;">Guest essay by Deborah Markus</div><br />
<br />
<img border="0" src="http://www.iamanatheist.com/images/1.gif" />Please stop hedging when you mention our lack of belief. Atheists are atheists. We're not "self-described," nor do we "claim" to be atheists. You don't want us to start saying things like, "This is my friend, Julie. She calls herself a Christian," do you? Then man up, brace yourself, and use the a-word all by itself. Practice in front of the mirror if you need to. You'll know you have the proper calm, factual tone when the glass doesn't shatter.<br />
<br />
<img border="0" src="http://www.iamanatheist.com/images/2.gif" />Please stop capitalizing the word "atheist." Unless it comes at the beginning of the sentence, you're just wasting ink. We know you're probably trying to be polite, but it doesn't work that way. There is no guy named Athe.<br />
<br />
<img border="0" src="http://www.iamanatheist.com/images/3.gif" />Some of you keep insisting that we're angry at your god. And then you laugh at us for being so silly – being angry at someone we don't even believe in. Well, you're right. That would be pretty darned silly. That's why we don't do it. Are you annoyed at Zeus? Do you have a grudge against the faerie folk? Of course not. It's the same for us – how could we feel anger or hatred toward a non-existent being? (Some of his followers cheese us off, but that's another story.)<br />
<br />
<img border="0" src="http://www.iamanatheist.com/images/4.gif" />Stop saying that deep down inside, we really do believe in your deity. Belief in the kind of guy who can create an entire universe with the force of a few well-turned phrases is not the sort of secret that fits neatly into a back pocket, as it were. If we thought this fellow was real, we'd be the first to know. And people don't tend to keep that particular nugget of information to themselves. Ever notice that?<br />
<br />
<img border="0" src="http://www.iamanatheist.com/images/5.gif" />Please understand that "You're such a nice person! I can't believe you're an atheist!" is not a compliment. More importantly, please understand that we understand that. Believe me, every single one of us has considered replying, "And you're so smart – I can't believe you're a Christian!" How about we all agree to not go there?<br />
<br />
<br />
<img border="0" src="http://www.iamanatheist.com/images/6.gif" />The only thing all occupants of foxholes have in common is access to weapons and a willingness to fight. It might be the better part of wisdom not to provoke them by insisting that you know more about their beliefs or lack thereof than they do.<br />
<br />
<img border="0" src="http://www.iamanatheist.com/images/7.gif" />How can our lives have any purpose without God? One word: chocolate.<br />
<br />
<img border="0" src="http://www.iamanatheist.com/images/8.gif" />It's sweet of you to worry about us, really it is. But it's not terribly helpful to tell us that we should go ahead and believe in your particular faith "just in case." Just in case what? In case a deity who can't distinguish heartfelt faith from apple-polishing affectation happens to be running the show?<br />
<br />
<img border="0" src="http://www.iamanatheist.com/images/9.gif" />Let's make a deal: we promise to stop asking that stupid question about whether God can make a rock so big he can't lift it. In exchange, please stop saying, "Well, God doesn't believe in atheists!" and then laughing like Shakespeare came back to life just long enough to write one last comedy.<br />
<br />
<img border="0" src="http://www.iamanatheist.com/images/10.gif" />Please quit asking us how or why we "turned our backs" on God. The whole point of being an atheist is that we don't see any reason to think we did any such thing.<br />
<br />
<img border="0" src="http://www.iamanatheist.com/images/11.gif" />Anyone who was born in an English-speaking country and is more than two minutes old has heard about God and Jesus. It's annoying when you assume that atheists just haven't heard enough about them, and that's why we're still atheists. Many of us have done extensive research on the subject of religion. Many of us credit our atheism to exactly that.<br />
<br />
<img border="0" src="http://www.iamanatheist.com/images/12.gif" />Please stop telling your atheist acquaintances that you'll miss us when you get to heaven. No, you won't. If youturn out to be right, you'll be in heaven – the place where, by definition, people don't feel sad. And if we'reright – well, guess who won't be feeling much of anything?<br />
<br />
<img border="0" src="http://www.iamanatheist.com/images/13.gif" />If you've ever said, "You can't prove there isn't a God" – first of all, congratulations. You're officially four years old. Second, we never said we could. But until you can show some serious proof that there is one, we see no reason to believe. There's nothing wrong with taking a leap of faith, provided you acknowledge that's what you're doing. Atheists simply prefer other forms of exercise.<br />
<br />
<img border="0" src="http://www.iamanatheist.com/images/14.gif" />Stop asking us how we can be moral without God. It's simple. We're awake, and we're not idiots. That's all it takes to figure out that sharing the planet with so many other people is a lot more pleasant when we also share some basic ideas about acceptable behavior. I don't like being stabbed; therefore I support laws against stabbing and promise not to stab anyone myself, no matter how much I may feel like doing so. See how easy?<br />
<br />
<img border="0" src="http://www.iamanatheist.com/images/15.gif" />So far as being a Christian is concerned, you're either a member of a persecuted minority, or part of a solid majority. Figure out which one of those is the case, and then live with it. You don't get to switch back and forth depending on whether you think you can smother dissent better at any given moment by either whining that everybody's always being mean to you, or bellowing that this is your house and you make the rules.<br />
<br />
<br />
<img border="0" src="http://www.iamanatheist.com/images/16.gif" />Speaking of persecuted minorities: Christianity used to be one. Did you fight your way to freedom of faith just so you could treat nonbelievers the same way they used to treat you?</div>Havenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06219816721347558501noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7520905738626299560.post-48778842080187245712012-01-13T15:38:00.000-08:002012-01-13T15:38:22.528-08:00Girl Scouts of America....<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Mongolian Baiti"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">How dare they advocate women’s rights, a womans right to choose, and reproductive awareness!?! I mean really, how dare they! That was sarcasm by the way. After seeing this it almost makes me wish I hadn’t quit the Girl Scouts when I was 10 years old. What do you think?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Mongolian Baiti"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">click to enlarge</td></tr>
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</div></div>Havenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06219816721347558501noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7520905738626299560.post-70976200471355911152012-01-13T08:30:00.000-08:002012-01-13T08:36:48.038-08:00Random Rant<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I was supposed to hang out with a buddy of mine last Saturday. He never called. I was sad, but went about my life as usual. I don’t wait around. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">He IMs Monday morning with: <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Buddy: sorry I didn't call you on Saturday drama happened<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>me: hi hi <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>no worries <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>i was kind of overloaded this weekend anyways. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>what happened?<o:p></o:p></span></i></b><br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Buddy: well <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>my girlfriend thinks you are trying to marry me so she had a meltdown<o:p></o:p></span></i></b><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>me: what. the. fuck? I see you like twice a year now. <o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Buddy: IDK <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>she has like crazy jealousy issues<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>me: I have enough boy problems. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Buddy: she freaks out at the idea of us chilling alone<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div><br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">me: yeah, sounds like what happened when I was with Evil-Ex.<o:p></o:p></span></i></b><br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Buddy: dum dum dudm menacign music. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yeah its like the same thing really<o:p></o:p></span></i></b><br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>me: psycho. tell her i'm involved<o:p></o:p></span></i></b><br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Buddy: I did. I told her I think you had a GF and a BF<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>lol <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>a full set<o:p></o:p></span></i></b><br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">me: ::laughs::<o:p></o:p></span></i></b><br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Buddy: well I was bummed out. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I really wanted to see you<o:p></o:p></span></i></b><br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">me: i know!<o:p></o:p></span></i></b><br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Buddy: and I think that also made her upset<o:p></o:p></span></i></b><br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>me: ::sadface:: <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>hah, that you were bummed out?<o:p></o:p></span></i></b><br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Buddy: I am having really hard time staying excited about this relationship<o:p></o:p></span></i></b><br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>me: Well it sucks having someone control your every move<o:p></o:p></span></i></b><br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Buddy: but things have been very stable the last <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>5 months. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>yeah IDK<o:p></o:p></span></i></b><br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;"> me: of course they are {stable}, if you're only paying attention to her. expect that to be a pattern.<o:p></o:p></span></i></b><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Buddy: I try to explain that the friendship you and I have has always been private<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div><br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>me: as long as your attention is on her, things will be fine<o:p></o:p></span></i></b><br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Buddy: and you kinda don’t like to have to entertain. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>IDK<o:p></o:p></span></i></b><br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>me: truth. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>also, I don't like her very much. I’m expunging all forms of drama. I used to like her but all of this is bullshit. She’s nice to my face, but all this shit behind the scenes? No thanks.<o:p></o:p></span></i></b><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Buddy: I don't want to talk on your behalf but I know you have said you are different in groups and I see that<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and I have to say so am I <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>so I like the duality of us chilling<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div><br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>me: me too.<o:p></o:p></span></i></b><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Now, don’t get me wrong. I have some pretty intense jealousy sometimes, but I usually have to have at least some kind of valid reason. With Evil-Ex I was often jealous, but he was ACTUALLY cheating on me, and manipulating my emotions to MAKE ME jealous. On purpose. Even then I never stopped him from going out with friends. Just because I feel one way, I try not to behave that way. I keep things hidden. There probably needs to be a better balance of productive communication and not just suppression on my part, but still. Trying to control someone is no way to show that you care about them. That’s just my opinion I suppose. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">It really irritates me that people are so inconsiderate of others. I understand that she’s afraid of losing her boyfriend, but she’s falling on a double edged sword here. Let him out and off the leash and he might stray. OR. Tighten the relationship leash around his throat until he suffocates and chews threw it permanently. Lose-lose chickadee. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Trust. Relationships, functioning functional relationships need to have an element of trust. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">What really makes me mad though, is that not only is she controlling him, but in a way she’s controlling me as well. She’s removing the option of a choice I would have liked to make – hanging out with my friend (NOT stealing him away). <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I do not like people trying to control me. <o:p></o:p></span></div></div>Havenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06219816721347558501noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7520905738626299560.post-91888091020331806452012-01-12T07:54:00.000-08:002012-01-12T07:54:04.594-08:00An Unfortunate Remark<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Him: Regrets are a waste of time. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Me: I don’t regret many things I do. Mostly I regret the shit that I let other people get away with. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Him: I don’t want to know about that stuff. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Me: Good, cuz I’m not going to tell you.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">This is clearly an indication of we are not ever going to be serious. Though he wants me to make plans with him for his birthday next month, which includes meeting his friends. This may, in fact, be the longest relationship he’s ever had. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">It also really made me start to wonder how important chemistry is. We clearly have an intense physical chemistry. Emotionally he is unavailable. I appear to be emotionally subdued (though we all know this is a farce). Intellectually I am superior, though we do always manage to talk about a lot of things. Our physical chemistry is intense, but the relationship as a whole rings hollow. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">This got me thinking about GF. She’d wanted to go out with me last night but I already had plans with Tech Boy. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our physical chemistry is very decent. She’s emotionally available, but also pretty needy. Intellectually I am by far superior. But she could love me. Maybe does. She would care about me and I would be safe with her. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why do I not choose her over him? Not that I’ve really made a choice either way, but I’ve been giving Tech Boy clear priority. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Will everything always be a compromise? This is important, but I’ll accept within this range. I do not like this, but some is inevitable. A little of this. Not enough of that. Too much of something else. Is there such a thing as 100% compatibility? I don’t think there is. But where do you draw the line with what you are willing to accept? <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Maybe this isn’t a quantifiable idea. Perhaps it’s an emotional impulse. However, I make poor emotional decisions. I should rely more on my cognition. Ideally I guess it would be a balance. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I think that balance, right now, is telling me I should take some time off from everyone and just work on myself. <span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">If only my emotional decisions didn’t automatically overrule. </span><o:p></o:p></span></div></div>Havenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06219816721347558501noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7520905738626299560.post-89943854323776417562011-12-12T08:49:00.000-08:002011-12-12T08:55:43.833-08:00Even my Subconscious Knows<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style", "serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">I love my dreams so much. Last night I had one that I found interesting. I won’t write the whole thing out because I’m missing big chunks of it. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style", "serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">At one point I remember sitting in a hotel/restaurant(?) l room which was set up sort of like a classroom with my brother, sister, and<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>a bunch of other people. There was some kind of contest. I had carved a very small jack-o-lantern. Apparently I won 1<sup>st</sup> prize for it. </span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style", "serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">After the judging there were a few girls that walked by. One of them loudly critized me and put me down. I lashed back and gave her a very rational tearing down. Later I saw her alone, curled up on the ground by her locker crying. I went over to her. I told her she was a beautiful person that {she didn’t need to act that way to remain in control}. </span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style", "serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">Of course I looked up the significance of this. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style", "serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">To carve a Jack O' Lantern in your dream, suggests that you are trying to put on a tough or mean face. It refers to a superficial facade.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style", "serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">To see a hotel in your dream signifies a new state of mind or a shift in personal identity. You are undergoing some sort of transition and need to move away from your old habits and old way of thinking. You need to temporarily escape from your daily life. Alternatively, the dream may imply a loss in your personal identity.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style", "serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">To see someone else crying in your dream may be a projection of your own feelings onto someone else. If you do not cry in your waking life, then seeing someone else cry may be a little easier to deal with then seeing yourself cry. </span><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style", "serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> < ---- I refuse to cry in real life. </span></div><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Goudy Old Style", "serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Apparently my dreams are trying to tell me I’m having identity issues. Shocking. I’m amused that my subconscious feels I’m doing a prize winning performance of maintaining a superficial façade though. It seems like this is causing a lot of pent of mental stress. </span></div></div>Havenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06219816721347558501noreply@blogger.com1