Weekend in Review: Trip Upstate

So this weekend the Lady Friend and I went upstate. She’s met the good majority of my NY friends but since she recently just moved back to my area of the state all of her friends are still back where she had gone to college. She really wanted me to meet her friends. As a consequence we had to go to them in order for me to do so.

I’ll admit I was not thrilled about the prospect. Not because I don’t want to meet her friends, but because the timing is really inopportune. I’m going on vacation shortly. I take the same vacation every year. It’s a large costuming event and  I need to finish sewing for it. The weather here has been absolutely unbearable though and since I have no AC it’s been extraordinarily difficult for me to get any sewing down (read: work up the motivation without dissolving into an angry puddle of sweat). I really needed the weekend to get stuff done but it was also the only weekend she’d have free for a long while as well. I should have said no, but I’m incapable of that apparently. Instead we compromised to go for Saturday and return Sunday. Oh, did I mention that I got to drive as well? She recently moved back in with her parents and her father didn’t like the idea of her taking her car upstate in the hot weather, and also refused to loan her one of his multiple other vehicles. Someone has control issues. Fortunately (?) my car works just fine. However, I also drive manual, which means I am the only one I know that can actually drive my car. Is driving stick a lost art? Is automatic just that much more common? Regardless, that’s how the day worked out.

We hit the road early and got into town for a late lunch at a delightful little organic deli. The food was fantastic and really hit the spot. Then we went across the street to do a little window shopping. I spotted an etched copper bracelet that I really loved but didn’t buy right away. I’m the kind of shopper that sees something (expensive) and goes about the rest of my day without purchasing it. If it’s still on my mind a few hours later, than I probably really want it and will go back.

So from there we decided spontaneously to go out to a couple wineries. The second winery wasn’t very good but it had a spectacular view being nestled back in the mountains. The first winery was amusing. We got there, and they were having some kind of event and were clearly understaffed. Eventually we started our tastings while listening to an open mic performer mangle some popular tunes. I will say though, the wine was really wonderful. Now, how this usually works is you take a look at the tasting menu, decide on the flight you want to try and pay accordingly. However, we also decided to purchase a bottle when we were done. When we went to have our flights and purchase rung up there was a problem with the register. The lady that runs the place was very nice and apologetic about the problem saying it would just be a minute. We had no worries at all as we had no place to be and were in very mellow moods (thanks in part to having just finished a flight of wine tastings). Her daughter comes over and is LOUD, abrasive, and condescending to her mother about what needs to be done for the register, the event, the this, the that…. It was like watching a reality tv show about a really obnoxious staten island princess. The mother was mortified and as a result we got our flights and our bottle of wine for free. Lovely! We made sure to tip her well. Lady Friend felt really bad for her. I was just amused at the whole thing.

We eventually get back to town and I am still thinking about the bracelet, which I purchase… along with a relatively expensive necklace that is just so perfect for Lady Friend that I decide on impulse that she has to have it. Lady Friend isn’t used to having people do this sort of thing for her, and probably I shouldn’t be so impulsive but what’s done is done and she loved the necklace. I’m not sure where this falls in terms of the relationship spectrum. What does buying jewelry for your not technically official girlfriend mean?

Then we went out for coffee (read: tea) to meet a friend, then off to dinner at a lovely gourmet teahouse to meet another. Again, fantastic food. Really, really delicious. Aaaaand her friend is Sith. We geeked out over Star Wars through most of dinner which was hysterical as Lady Friend refuses the obsession. From there we went a walk around town to a really old cemetery. I love cemeteries. The older the better. They’re so peaceful and beautiful. Then to a wine bar for more wine and chatting… then to more rowdy bar to play pool, I needed food, and get them more drunk (I was driving and needed to sober <~~~ Check it out being responsible).

It was weird. I felt very out of place the entire time. Maybe that’s just how people feel when they meet people they have no real knowledge of. This is not my element. Probably it was more due to the fact that I really didn’t want to be there. All the individual elements added up to a pleasant time, but the time seemed to drag on forever. I had something of an anxiety in the pit of my stomach just trying to fill up the empty spaces of time with things to do, words to say. It felt very forced. Maybe the timing was just bad, maybe this is just a transitionary relationship… I feel more detached than ever.

We woke up Sunday. I had bad dreams. Very bad dreams. I talk about my Evil-Ex occasionally. These dreams were about The One that affected me worse. It was so long ago I just wasn’t prepared for random dreams, emotions, and thoughts that I had since buried and moved on from. This put me in something of a funk all morning. I just wanted to lose myself in my head and think, ruminating on dreams, situations and scenarios. Iterations of things that have happened, might happen in the future, or may never ever occur but I played them out anyways. The Lady Friend wanted to go for a walk over the Hudson though, so this encroached on my destructive introspection.   She knew why I was so quiet but I felt bad for not being more entertaining while at the same time having absolutely no desire to be entertaining. I think I’m just not a very good girlfriend. I’m so preoccupied sometimes that I can’t always be concerned with what other people need.

Finally we made our trip back home. We did do a lot of talking during the drives. I haven’t yet told her explicitly that I’m BPD, but I’ve touched on almost all of the major aspects of my disorders. She seems to be very receptive. Idk. I’m not ready. So we hung out at my place, watched movies, she wrote/drew, I sewed/crafted and made my favorite Gorgonzola-Potato Soup. Seriously. This soup is phenomenal. I love it.

It was also my dad’s birthday so I gave him a call. I love my father. He says things like, “If it wasn’t for your mother, I’d be a political assassin b/c it’s the only way to get people to listen,” and “Republican “Christians” are destroying America. If Christ were alive today and living in America, he wouldn’t be Christian”. How can you claim to follow the teachings of Christ, and then support government programs that direct money into the pockets of the rich instead of investing in your fellow man? My dad’s an atheist. Talking to him is always fun.  

Oh what a weekend. I need a weekend off from my weekend off. This week I’m starting a cleanse, starting Middle Eastern Dance again, sewing, painting, crafting, more sewing…. Let’s see how much I can cram into a couple days, shall we?