Thursday, July 7, 2011

Worthwhile Day: #Trust30 - Day 1

Taking this prompt from Interruption I’ve decided to also look into the Ralph Waldo Emerson #Trust30 Challenge. It started back in May but as I’m just discovering it now I shall start, well, now. This will be something I do back and forth between this Beyond and Asylum. I’ll flip back and forth between my blogs depending on which I believe it is most relevant towards, or cross post on both.
#Trust30 is an online initiative and 30-day writing challenge that encourages you to look within and trust yourself. Use this as an opportunity to reflect on your now, and to create direction for your future. 30 prompts from inspiring thought-leaders will guide you on your writing journey.

“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could.”
What is one thing you can do that would make today worthwhile? What’s stopping you from getting started right now?

Today I am tired. So very, very tired. What could make this day worthwhile are three things.
1.      Schedule an appointment with my therapist
2.      Work on my light saber
3.      Paint
Mondays are usually my days for therapy but as this was a holiday my appointment needed to be cancelled and rescheduled. Therapist left me a voicemail to reschedule for Tuesday which I promptly ignored. I know I shouldn’t have, just out of politeness, but I hate scheduling things like that. It was my day off and I didn’t want to interrupt my day of potential freedom. I regret it now. I just, have an aversion to rescheduling on days I am not prepared for. It makes me anxious. I fight it. I know I shouldn’t, but I do. Even when I know it’s something I need. It didin’t fall into a slip of time I saw as open and therefore I pushed it aside and forgot about it, even as the seeds of sadness and depression have been clawing their way deeper into my mind.
I scheduled an emergency appointment with my therapist today. This is the first time I’ve ever done that. She seemed flustered, but accommodating. Maybe she wasn’t expecting to hear from me. Maybe her schedule was busy. But she took me anyway. All I can hope is that I feel better, sooner. I recognize that I need to do this for me. No one else can make me seek the help I need. I’ve known this. I need to not forget this.

Now for the fun. The fun is tempered by the weariness in my arms. I slept well for a change (thank you Trazadone). I recently received the no-bake epoxy I’ll be using to fashion the aesthetics of my light sabers. Last night I sat down with this new medium for the first time and set out to sculpt an idea for my hilts. I must say, it came out only barely resembling what I’m hoping to do. I was frustrated but not completely disheartened. By the end of the hour I spent I had:
- Gained an understanding of how to mold the epoxy.
- Formed a new idea of how to approach the design details that I want.
- Tried a medium that I’ve never used before, by myself, without any guidance.
So I wouldn’t call the night a failure. Especially as I’ll have time to sit down tonight and take a go at Round 2. If this doesn’t work, than I can always do what I did for my last light saber hilts. I like how those turned out and I know I can do that style (only better). Oh, creative process, how you frustrate and compel me.

Paint. I dearly love to paint. With my mind so weighed down in a thick grey fog it’s been difficult for me to be inspired. I  started a piece on Tuesday. Barely. I primed the paper and painted it all black. I’m trying something new. Water. A waterfall at night to be precise. We’ll see how it comes out. I was inspired by the meditation of a tarot card I did. One I’m designing on my own and in order to create the image I want, I will need to know how to do water. So of course, my next step is to figure out how to paint water that flows and spills. One goal to another to another goal. Except the real goal is the process itself. Yes, there will be something to point to at the end, but it is the journey of how I’ve gotten there that is what really means the most to me.

crossposted Beyond


  1. Glad you called for a session with your therapist. I was struggling yesterday and finally sent mine a text asking her to call me. Why do I hate doing that so much?

    I am happy you have decided to do this. It has really made me think. Reading all the other posts and finding new friends has been such a joy. For the first time in forever, I feel different. I feel a few rays of hope. I wish the same outcome for you!
    I did not even know you had this blog!! Guess I never looked at your profile! Way to go Haven! You can find the posts on the web page or you can look at my posts. They are usually at the top of the post! If you have FB you can post on the Ralph Waldo Emerson Page! Take care and have fun with the challenge!

  2. ::smiles:: I'm glad too. Now I just have to wait a few hours to see her ::sigh::

    Oh, I just started this blog! For whatever reason I feel guilty posting all my random and personal ideas and such on my Borderline Blog so I just created this one so I had an outlet for all of the other randomness that runs through my mind =)

    I'm excited about the writing prompts though. Thanks again!

  3. I love this and I shall steal it from you