Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Legacy - #Trust30: Day 4

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson
One definition of legacy is what someone feels, thinks and says when they hear your name. What are you doing today to build the legacy you want?
(Author: Tim Belber)
Part One:  
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
I’m not sure what it means to be me. Who I am. I do, and I don’t. I am so mutable depending on who I’m with, where I am, that it’s sometimes hard for me to really settle into my own skin. I put on so many plays, changing masks almost effortlessly, avoiding mirrors so as not to see who is really staring back at me. I’m never sure who I’ll see. When I’m alone though, this I believe is when I am at my most and least comfortable. I have no one to pretend for, no one to play to. And the worst part is, I don’t know why I do this. Anyone that is worth being close to should like me for who I am, yes? Truth. My shifts from my base are subtle, really. A tempering. I do hold to this principle. You can like me and stay with me, or we are not compatible and I don’t need you in my life. When I am amongst strangers I am at my strongest. I don’t care what they think and I can act as I see fit, be how I want to be, me. It’s when I get close to people, truly value them, want them to value me, that I begin to change. I begin to fear losing them. Begin to fear that who I am will no longer be enough. Despite the break in logic that if I were not good enough they would not have stuck around in the first place. Messy, messy this whole, trying to be myself in a world that doesn’t often accept the kind of person I am. I am at once, defiant and accommodating; open but masked.
Part Two:
I’ve never considered that I would have a legacy. I don’t believe my presence on this Earth is exceptional or meaningful. I mean, it is to those that know and care about me, but in the grand scheme of things, I’m just one more creature roaming this world, waiting for my timeline to end.
Maybe I don’t have the kind of ambition it takes to desire something of this magnitude. Or maybe my belief that there must be a quantitative significance to something to call it a legacy is incorrect. 
I suppose, for as silly as it sounds, my other blog Beyond the Borderline Personality, is something of a legacy. For what I’ve chosen to do with it, it’s been a major investment in time and energy. I truly hope and believe that I’ve had an impact on people in a positive way because of the information and insight that I provide.  I hope when my followers think about me and my blog they think I’ve done some good.
Out in the real world, I suppose I would hope that people value my intelligence and creativity. I want to be thought of as a loving friend that does things I love for the benefit of those around me. These aren’t necessarily huge things. Just things like my creative costuming, the kinds of food I make…. Oh! I know what I want my legacy to be. Dark Lady of Geekdom. I want my Sith persona to blow peoples minds. I want my costume to be so out of this world that I put all other geeks and gamers to shame and they bow down before the magnificence of my geekery ::grins:: Ok, maybe being the geekiest geek in all of geekdom is a rather lofty goal. I do think it would be total win if people were to think of me and appreciate the outcome of all of my time, effort, and skill that I put into making my costume, sabers, and persona. It’s such a fun thing for me, it makes me happy, which is what really matters. Maybe what I really want my legacy to be is for when people to think about me they say: She was happy.


  1. Whenever I read your words, it's like reading the thoughts in my own mind. You are a special kind of person. You have many legacies in this world. You care about those around you in a way that very few people do and you create a unique legacy for each person.

    That is rare. You're like a beautifully rare gem stone. So precious. So pure. So treasured.

  2. You do have a legacy...you have helped many people. For me, I want them to remember the TOPIC, not my name. I am sure you are very aware that your fear is from abandonment issues. Mine is too, that and I also have a serious attachment disorder. But, It will get better. It is getting better. I am so glad you are doing this challenge. I enjoy reading your thoughts and ideas. Thank you! Take care.