Missed the Solstice celebration. Sort of. I’m either the worst witch or the best witch ever, haha. Ok, so I'm not really a witch but I am, eclectic, in my beliefs. By which I mean I refuse to choose any one type of spirituality and I don’t believe in religion. I think religion in itself is an institution formed primarily to control its practitioners. No thanks. I’ll believe what I want to believe as long as it makes sense to me and fits into my life. So what does that mean to me?
I’m technically agnostic, but a practicing atheist. I believe in no deities. That’s not to say that I deny the possibility for them though. To put it simply; I don’t care. If there’s something out there, there is. If there is not; there’s not. Regardless this does not affect how I will choose to live my life.
I’m technically agnostic, but a practicing atheist. I believe in no deities. That’s not to say that I deny the possibility for them though. To put it simply; I don’t care. If there’s something out there, there is. If there is not; there’s not. Regardless this does not affect how I will choose to live my life.
What is, is.
Nothing I have to say about this will change a thing.
I would prefer to live my life as a good person without the underlying threat of heaven/hell/purgatory. If I’m going to be good, I’m doing it because it’s how I choose to be, not because I fear some shitty afterlife party. Then again, I don’t believe in an afterlife so it’s all moot to me. My ideal would be reincarnation. I love the idea of the ‘soul’ learning, growing, and evolving through each lifetime. I think it’s a beautiful concept.
Right, back on topic. Pagan. I read the bible when I was 8. I found it… dissatisfying. I was drawn to the old world Earth religions. I primarily drew from my cultural heritage, so Druidism (Celtic), Asatru (Nordic), and Strega (Italian), though I’m open to anything that draws me. I admit to sourcing a lot through Wicca at first because that was what was most readily available when I was younger but I have never considered myself Wiccan. It’s not balanced properly for my tastes. I’ve always felt a strong connection and grounding through the Earth and the Universe around me. Nature. The Natural world. Natural beliefs.
My beliefs are also heavily science based. I am a scientist and engineer by trade. This is what I do. I find math and numbers beautiful. If a spiritual/philosophical belief is in contrast with scientific principle, it is discarded for me. There cannot be discrepancies in belief. I believe. I do not have faith. There is a distinction.
Back then, I did have tentative faiths in the pagan deities. By the time I was 16/17 I had lost faith. I adopted an atheistic stance of indifference before turning to Eastern philosophy. I picked up the Tao Te Ching and books on Chinese/Zen Buddhism. I immersed myself in this and found a place within my mind that was calm and centered. Whenever I am at my most turbulent I still pick up the Tao Te Ching and read through until I am once again grounded.
So now, my beliefs, while lacking in a higher power, are an integrated spirituality of the Old Pagan ways and of Eastern philosophy.
I love the ritual that surrounds the Earth religions. There’s something beautiful in the structure and all the accoutrement help me focus my energy in a way that not utilizing these things does not allow me. So for these reasons I usually try to do full circle rituals on the Sabbats.
I’ve missed my full ritual work for the last couple. However I still observe. For summer solstice I worked on my summer mountain painting. It’s how I was feeling to usher in the new season and I like how it feels vibrant, colorful and alive. I also bake. I do this for most of my rituals. Incorporating elements internally as well as externally. Ok, so really this is a fancy way of saying I made yummy muffins to share with the guys at work. I made strawberry-banana muffins of fresh in-season fruit (locally grown strawberries). To me it represents sharing the abundance of the season with those around me. It’s something I love to do and since all of my rituals and beliefs are absolutely personal, I think it’s fitting.
I don’t use guides, I don’t take much direction. Everything I do, I’ve devised on my own over years of exploration and self-awareness. I miss not doing my formal rituals because it is something that is so grounding for me. However, I was very much feeling the need to not pressure myself and I think the evening I spent was spent well regardless. So…
Happy Solstice!
It's really strange how similar we are. I have noticed this sense of spirituality in a lot of people with PD. By a lot I mean in the 4-5 that I have met but even though we all have very differing beliefs, the underlying approach is very much the same. I find that interesting. I wonder if the PD has anything to do with it or if it's just a coincidence.
ReplyDeleteHm. I wonder if it's because traditional dogmas are so stifling. People with PDs already have enough noise and oppression in their own minds that imposing more on top of that is like too much pressure waiting to crush you down.
ReplyDeleteIt all just seems so limiting to me.
I can see an argument for PDs having a proclivity to this though. Since our brains are different there would be a natural inclination towards something more diverse from the norm. It's natural that we would think differently.
I swear, I want to meet you in RL someday. I can't tell you enough how nice it is to have someone that gets my braining =)
I feel the same about religion. I think we can learn from all different philosophies! Take care!
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