Thursday, January 12, 2012

An Unfortunate Remark

Him: Regrets are a waste of time.

Me: I don’t regret many things I do. Mostly I regret the shit that I let other people get away with.

Him: I don’t want to know about that stuff.

Me: Good, cuz I’m not going to tell you.

This is clearly an indication of we are not ever going to be serious. Though he wants me to make plans with him for his birthday next month, which includes meeting his friends. This may, in fact, be the longest relationship he’s ever had.

It also really made me start to wonder how important chemistry is. We clearly have an intense physical chemistry. Emotionally he is unavailable. I appear to be emotionally subdued (though we all know this is a farce). Intellectually I am superior, though we do always manage to talk about a lot of things. Our physical chemistry is intense, but the relationship as a whole rings hollow.

This got me thinking about GF. She’d wanted to go out with me last night but I already had plans with Tech Boy.  Our physical chemistry is very decent. She’s emotionally available, but also pretty needy. Intellectually I am by far superior. But she could love me. Maybe does. She would care about me and I would be safe with her.   Why do I not choose her over him? Not that I’ve really made a choice either way, but I’ve been giving Tech Boy clear priority.

Will everything always be a compromise? This is important, but I’ll accept within this range. I do not like this, but some is inevitable. A little of this. Not enough of that. Too much of something else. Is there such a thing as 100% compatibility? I don’t think there is. But where do you draw the line with what you are willing to accept?

Maybe this isn’t a quantifiable idea. Perhaps it’s an emotional impulse. However, I make poor emotional decisions. I should rely more on my cognition. Ideally I guess it would be a balance.

I think that balance, right now, is telling me I should take some time off from everyone and just work on myself. If only my emotional decisions didn’t automatically overrule.


  1. I find the same issue with girls i meet and date. There's always something you have to come to grips with and accept if you're going to move forward and be with them. It's just the nature of us being individuals.

  2. I think for us "disordered" people there is always an element of compromise simply because what we want changes depending upon our moods so the appearance of compromise always exists. It is about finding the person who can flow and ebb with you and go up when you need them to but step back when you need them to as well. I always wanted to be with someone who is outwardly expressive. My husband isn't always like this but when i really NEED him to be then he somehow seems to sense I'm needing that and he fulfills it and then when I'm in a mood where I need distance he knows so he gives the distance sometimes he doesn't do it as quickly or in the exact way I would like but I don't think anyone could if there is a closest thing to perfect then he is it. Am I compromising or settling? maybe in some ways but it is healthy and allowing me to live as happy and productive life as my screwed up brain will allow me to, absolutely and for me that is most important.

    1. Blah,,blah,,and what else would you like ..your royal highness??Just reread what you have written.You are not compromising or settling.What you want is someone who is accomodating,,as you have no real desire to grow,,you only want to keep doing what you're doing,,and keep doing it better.