Him: Regrets are a waste of time.
Me: I don’t regret many things I do. Mostly I regret the shit that I let other people get away with.
Him: I don’t want to know about that stuff.
Me: Good, cuz I’m not going to tell you.
This is clearly an indication of we are not ever going to be serious. Though he wants me to make plans with him for his birthday next month, which includes meeting his friends. This may, in fact, be the longest relationship he’s ever had.
It also really made me start to wonder how important chemistry is. We clearly have an intense physical chemistry. Emotionally he is unavailable. I appear to be emotionally subdued (though we all know this is a farce). Intellectually I am superior, though we do always manage to talk about a lot of things. Our physical chemistry is intense, but the relationship as a whole rings hollow.
This got me thinking about GF. She’d wanted to go out with me last night but I already had plans with Tech Boy. Our physical chemistry is very decent. She’s emotionally available, but also pretty needy. Intellectually I am by far superior. But she could love me. Maybe does. She would care about me and I would be safe with her. Why do I not choose her over him? Not that I’ve really made a choice either way, but I’ve been giving Tech Boy clear priority.
Will everything always be a compromise? This is important, but I’ll accept within this range. I do not like this, but some is inevitable. A little of this. Not enough of that. Too much of something else. Is there such a thing as 100% compatibility? I don’t think there is. But where do you draw the line with what you are willing to accept?
Maybe this isn’t a quantifiable idea. Perhaps it’s an emotional impulse. However, I make poor emotional decisions. I should rely more on my cognition. Ideally I guess it would be a balance.
I think that balance, right now, is telling me I should take some time off from everyone and just work on myself. If only my emotional decisions didn’t automatically overrule.