Birth Control Debate

I am furious. Absolutely livid.

You may have seen or heard about the states trying to pass laws concerning insurance companies providing Birth Control to employers. Several states are trying to pass laws inhibiting the ability of women to get the birth control use covered by medical insurance.

Two cases in particular have had me pretty riled up.

1.      Democratic Women Boycott House ContraceptionHearing After Republicans Prevent Women From Testifying.

a.       First off, a male run committee is banning women from the courtroom. This is a violation of legal procedure and a blatant act of discrimination. This committee banned women from participating in a legal proceeding. This is not acceptable. This issue does not affect a man’s reproductive rights, it affects a woman's reproductive rights and they have denied the women that would be effected by this issue the right to defend her own rights and perspectives. They flat out said "No Women Allowed" to participate in this legal proceeding that effects their rights as citizens of this country. This is immoral in terms of equality in our justice system.

b.      The employer themselves are not handing out the birth control. Employees have to go through insurance companies and pharmacies for that. All the employer is doing is allowing FOR THE CHOICE of the employee to choose whether or not that option is cohesive with their lifestyle. If the employer has a religious objection to contraceptive use that is absolutely ok. The employer can choose not to use it and that is his/her choice. HOWEVER, he does not have the right to tell his employees what they can or cannot do in their personal lives. That is infringement on personal privacy and freedom.

Any man or woman is allowed to hold whatever religious beliefs they choose. That's fine. However, religious freedom stops there. They have no right to force those beliefs on others or use those beliefs to control the lives of the people around them. In fact, I believe escaping this problem was why people set sail from the mother country and started their very own colonies.

Religious freedom is a personal path. Having religious freedom does not mean you have a right to impose your beliefs on anyone else. That would be impinging on the religious freedom of others who may not feel that these mandates are sacrilegious.

c.       People assume that it is easy for women to pay out of pocket for contraceptives, and look at it as if it's just as easily accessible without insurance. Limiting the availability will make it harder to obtain. Birth control can cost over a hundred dollars a month, because there are different pills and forms of contraception for different bodies and needs. This does not always provide for an affordable solution to women who need hormone therapy for whatever their medical use.  

d.      Birth control isn't just being used as contraceptive (Which brings us to our next issue). Birth control is used to regulate and treat many female related medical problems.  Hormone contraceptives regulate hormones! Shocker.

1.      Often women have severe hormonal imbalances and hormone contraception brings the female system back into balance and establishes a normal hormonal pattern. i.e. PMDD.

2.      Birth control is used to regulate and return menstruation in women that have stopped menstruating due to hormone issues.

3.      It is used to lessen ovarian cysts in people with Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS).

4.      It reduces acne issues.

2. Use Birth Control? You’re Fired! In Arizona

Employers in Arizona are trying to force women to provide proof that their contraceptive use is for non-contraception purposes in order to have it covered by medical insurance.

How about medical confidentiality? No one besides you and your doctor has the right to private medical information. A person’s medical history is confidential. Employers have no right to access employee medical history. Forcing women to provide ‘proof of medical need’ is invasive and violates a persons right to privacy.

Think about it, how would you feel if you had to sit down with your boss and discuss your reproductive health issues? As a man, how comfortable would you be talking to your boss about your need for medication to correct erectile dysfunction or to authorize a prostate exam? So why is it ok to try and force women to talk about their reproductive medical issues. Yes, Mr. Paysme I have poly cystic ovarian syndrome which means I have small cysts lining my ovaries. The only treatment available is hormone contraceptive. Would you please authorize the insurance company to pay for my medication so that the large number of cysts developing on the interior of my ovum do not continue to grow and potentially make me infertile? Is this really a conversation that your boss has any right to be having with you? No.

Since this is running on a “religious freedom” platform… When did the x-tian males/politicians forget that Free Will is one of the religious tenets set out by their god? To deny a woman the right to choose what is best for her is to deny her 'god given right' of free will. If they run on a religious freedom platform, then it can be said that not allowing a woman the choice to be on birth control violates the woman’s religious beliefs if she believes religiously that she has free will. While I understand that many men wish women didn’t have free will, we’re no longer living in the good ole days of the 1950’s. Women can vote now and everything. Get used to it.

You can’t have a law that cries “This is my religious freedom!” when that law would potentially violate the religious freedom of the people it effects.

 That's not even touching on the issue that not everyone is the same religion and that being on birth control does not violate other peoples religious beliefs. However, I'm willing to bet that being oppressed and being persecuted by a majority would be against the beliefs of many.

How about this. In fairness to equal rights, if we are going to police womens sexual reproductive choices, we should police men’s as well. Men should have restricted and documented access to condom purchase. Women should stop taking birth control, and also offering sex, except in the sole instances that they are trying to conceive a child. Finally, men must stop masturbating. After all, spilling a man’s seed is a waste of gods gift.

No one has the right to come into your home and police your sexual activity.

No one has the right to decide when and/or if you have children.

Procreation isn’t a requirement in life, it’s a choice in life. Being on birth control doesn’t mean people won’t ever have children. It means that people are choosing when it is in their best interest to. If they choose to. Employers, politicians, the government… none of the people have the right to tell a person if and when they must have children. Preventing the ability to plan, or not, for a family is doing just that.

These laws are discriminatory. The theory is that “they’re protecting the religious freedom of the employer”. If you buy that, and while I do recognize that there are conservative women that support these laws, the majority of the politicians pushing for these regulations are overwhelmingly male. Men do not have to live with the consequences of these laws. Only women do.

All these laws come down to power. Employers trying to exert their personal power, under the guise of religious freedom, in order to control the choices of female employees.

Also as a related side note, some legislators would like to define beginning of life at the egg stage. Hah! Um, does that mean every time I menstruate I'm having an abortion? By this logic, employers should ENCOURAGE birth control pills because birth control works by stopping ovulation. If an egg is not release then it cannot be fertilized, but by extension it will also remain alive and viable in the ovary. So really, birth control is PRESERVING the potential for life by not "killing" the egg that is lost during un-impregnated menstruation.

I think I just found a flaw in someone’s logic.

Politicians are dumb.

An evening of Subconcious Cinema...

<Dream from last night.>

I was attending some theater performance. It was at a place where I was familiar like a school. In part this production was a ruse to keep me in one place. Someone was searching for me with the intent of killing me.  Somehow I knew this.

I exited the building when many people were leaving. I did my best to avoid attracting attention as I walked with people, getting lost in the crowd, to the road. When I finally got to the road I realized I’d need a ride to get away, to get anywhere. One man (whom I worked with) saw me but didn’t have his care yet so just waved. Another in a yellow jeep, pulled up and told me to get in.

<skip>

I was outside of the theater/school in an outdoor courtyard. I could see the ocean from where I was. There was a person there. Tall. Shadowed. Boring-Ex was there as well. The tall figure was holding a gun/rifle. I got the gun and intended to use it if need be. Boring-Ex came back to me and handed me a very lovely seashell. I felt like this was some kind of peace offering for me to remember good times. I saw a few other whole, and very lovely seashells on the ground. Picked them up and put them to the side of the courtyard. Something happened and I knew my life was in jeopardy. I shot Boring-Ex in the forehead. I took off. Somewhere I lost the gun.

I went back into the building. I was in a back dressing room/bathroom/classroom area. There were a ton of people milling around. I tried to sneak behind a back wall to hide and remain unnoticed by anyone passing through. Someone saw me and I knew it wouldn’t stay safe. As I was pushing my way out, someone else that was looking out for me pressed a small revolver into my hand because I had lost my larger gun. I would lose this too. He also gave me a utility style knife (like a swiss army knife will all the pull out things). One of the people that was looking at me was a thin blonde woman.  Every second I stayed where I was I felt the impending confrontation coming closer and closer. I ran through rooms, pushing through people, squeezing through the most unlikely exits to get someplace I couldn’t be tracked or found. No matter where I went I was never safe for long.

I finally got to one area. I walked up stairs. There were a lot of people standing in the hall and stairway. I opened the door and it was a dance studio; bright lights, hardwood floor, ballet rail, wall of mirrors. I ran to the other side and ducked into a utility closet. The blonde woman, in an attempt to disguise herself did herself up in some pretty tacky make-up and an obvious, yet still blonde, wig. I knew she was coming and started fumbling with the utility knife. All the pull outs were useless things though; spoon, nail file, corkscrew,… finally I opened something that passed as a dull short knife. She found me, we struggled, and I stabbed her. Deliberately on the front. She fell on her stomach. I stabbed her twice more. Once in the back of the neck. I recall the hesitation before each time, but the certain need of it too, and the exact amount of pressure that was required to break the resistance of her skin. As she lay on the ground in front of me, the man that I was really running from, approached. Tall, broad, bald, like a hit man thug.

I don’t remember anything else, only that there was a lot of other stuff going on. It was also striking just how many people were constantly surrounding me. I don’t recall ever having a dream that was so consistently overwhelmed by other people.

Crowd

To dream that you are in or part of a crowd suggests that you need some space for yourself. You need solitude to reflect on a situation and recharge your energy. Consider also the familiar phrase of "going along with the crowd" which implies conformity and lack of individuality. Perhaps you feel that your own opinion doesn't count or matter. Alternatively, dreaming of a crowd means that you need to incorporate the various aspects of the crowd into your own persona.

Seashells

To see seashells in your dream represent security and protection. You are not showing your true self or real feelings. In protecting yourself from getting hurt, you are also becoming reclusive and emotionally closed off.

Gun

To see a gun in your dream represents aggression, anger, and potential danger. You could be on the defensive about something. Or you may be dealing with issues of passiveness/aggressiveness and authority/dependence. Alternatively, a gun is a symbol of power and pride. Perhaps you are looking for shelter or protection in your dream. From a Freudian perspective, a gun represents the penis and male sexual drive. Thus, the gun may mean power or impotence, depending on whether the gun went off or misfired.

(If guns are a normal part of your life than this interpretation may not be accurate and merely a reflection of something you are involved with often.)

To dream that you shoot someone with a gun denotes your aggressive feeling and hidden anger toward that particular person. You may be trying to blame them for something.

Stab

To dream that you stab someone indicates your fear of betrayal and your untrusting nature. You are being overly defensive.

I may be a little defensive. Yes. And probably more than a little untrusting. I'm still unsure of what the crowding of people around me means though. I'm not overly crowded in my life. Though I am very overwhelmed right now.

<Dream 2>

This weekend I also had a dream that I was fighting as Sith. The Sith I was fighting used a double bladed staff like Darth Maul. I remember laughing in my mind because I had dual shoto and he didn’t stand a chance. Which he didn’t. I killed him. I knew this would end badly for me when I was discovered though. I ran back to my apartment to gather my things so I could take off. My bathroom had two stalls. One for my roommate (who was Buffy) and the other with all my shower supplies. For whatever reason Buffy was having sex in my shower with her boyfriend. I took a quick shower, grabbed one of her towels, and finally had to kick them out of my shower stall so I could get my stuff. As dropped the towel on top of my bench. At that moment the FBI/police walked in. One of them grabbed the towel and told them to analyze it for blood. Surely that was what I’d used to wipe my light sabers clean. What? In my mind I was laughing because who the fuck wipes a light saber blade clean? It’s vaporize whatever you were ‘cleaning’ it with instantly.  They determined that since my towel was clean I must not have killed the other guy. They left. There was something about mens shoes. I took off.

My brain is bizarre. And more than a little geektastic.

30 Seconds Changes It All

WARNING: Sexual violence.

This weekend was wonderful. Until it wasn’t.

Friday was a very mellow night. I was happy with that.

Saturday I woke up early, got dolled up and headed over to Tech Boys. It was his birthday and we were supposed to take a ferry out to Connecticut for the day. Unfortunately after a very long drive, when we got to the docks we found out that the ferry was no longer running “for the winter”. The website said nothing about this and specifically said that it was running special times for the next couple weekends. Tech Boy was really disappointed. I dropped him back off at his place and we resolved to do something else later. I felt terrible though I know this was not my fault and wanted to make sure he had a great evening. He came over around 6:30p and we went out for a really nice Steakhouse dinner and grabbed a few drinks. He is having a joint birthday celebration with his sister in a couple weeks. He wants me to come out, meet his sister, and a bunch of his friends. I thought that was a great idea.

Afterwards, we came back to my apartment and hung out with Roommate and her boyfriend. I had gotten Tech Boy some specialty craft beers which he promptly demolished as the evening evolved. We talked a lot, laughed, started to watch a movie, snuggled. He was uncharacteristically affectionate in front of Roommate and her boyfriend. He’s not really one for overt amounts of public displays of affection but he was happy to wrap his arms around me, tilt my head up to kiss my lips, and just randomly kissed the top of my head occasionally while giving me an extra squeeze here and there.

We kept drinking. He drank a lot.

Eventually I could tell it was getting on ‘frisky’ time so I moved our part of the evening into my bedroom. I pushed him down on the bed and proceded to tear his clothes off. Things got hot and heavy as they usually do for a couple hours. Things were a little sloppier than usual because he was so drunk, but I didn’t really care. It’s his birthday so I figured whatever, sex is pretty much just for fun anyways. We also have a tendency to get a bit rough, which is something I usually enjoy. I have very few sexual boundaries.

One thing I cannot deal with; one boundary I do have – I do not allow being hit, especially in the face. I will not stand for it. He violated that boundary. It had never happened before, with anyone (not in a sexual setting anyways). He was so drunk, and things were occasionally clumsy that the first time it happened I honestly thought it was an accident and he just caught my cheek funny. It wasn’t very hard. The second time I was in momentary shock. The third time it happened I pushed him back and told him if he ever hit me in the face again I’d rip his dick off.  I meant it. He believed me. This happened probably over the course of 20-30 seconds, maybe less. He immediately got off of me, laid back, pulled me close, wrapped his arms tight around me, and passed out. I was livid. Furious. And trying to hold back the tears, which was the most frustrating of it all. I wanted to kick his ass out of my apartment and watch him freeze in the cold, but he was passed out flat and I couldn’t do anything at all. I didn’t see that coming.  I knew this was a sexual fantasy he’d had.  He had mentioned it very briefly once, but I had told him that was never ok. That was it. He was SO drunk I’m not even sure he remembers it happened. I remember. I’m so hurt. How do I trust him after that? I just laid there shaking in fury, confusion, and sadness.

I went from enjoying a mutually pleasing, and steadily evolving relationship to fighting back a wrath and sadness I never expected. Big changes happen so fast. My entire perception of him changed in one drunken instant.

 

We woke up. We had sex a couple times as if nothing unusual happened though I couldn’t look at him. I made a huge breakfast of my special old fashioned buttermilk waffles, sausage, and home-style hash browns for us, Roommate, and boyfriend. He stayed late as we all sat around chatting. Eventually he left. I went to the gym, took a nap, made dinner, and generally avoided thinking about it. Until I lay down to go to sleep and had nothing but blackness and room for my thoughts.

This is often how I work. I suppress. I avoid. I seethe internally. I continue on as if everything is normal until I’ve had a chance to process.

When I was younger I would have exploded instantly. I’ve completely turned 180 degrees from acting out to acting in/not at all. Neither is appropriate. Neither is healthy.

I need to talk to him. I’ve resolved to do that. I can’t see him again; I certainly can’t sleep with him again, until we talk this thing out. This may be the end of him though.

That’s a lot of loss for one week.

It shouldn’t even be a question. I should end it. Shouldn’t I? I just, don’t know how to think this way. I feel like I need to give him a chance to explain if he even can. I can’t help thinking that if it happens once, what’s to stop it from happening again. Especially if he’s drunk, can’t remember, and wasn’t ‘in control of his own actions’, then there’s really no predicting the problem. That’s dangerous. I’m not afraid of him. I don’t get drunk enough that I can’t defend myself. Not after the time Evil-Ex tried to kill me. But I’ve been in that place before. I’m not going to let the potential for that to happen again. But this wasn’t an angry he hates me for destroying his manipulative games kind of thing like it was for Evil-Ex. This was a sexual fantasy, while mentally hurtful, wasn’t physically hurtful as much as it was shocking. I don’t think he would ever hit me or hurt me ‘for real’. This was still a major violation of one of the very few boundaries that is important to me. It’s absolutely disrespectful. I do feel violated. My mental safety especially was violated. That’s not ok. No one has the right to do that. He doesn’t know about Evil-Ex, or any of that, but that shouldn’t matter.

I’ll talk to him. See what he has to say. Then decide. I guess. Am I going about this right? Should I even give him a chance to explain? I just don’t know. Simply acting would be so much easier. Trying to reason my way through things is hard, but it’s healthier, right?

She Walks in Beauty

This is the poem one of my exes decided to send me for my Birthday a few days ago. I'm glad we've managed to stay friends.

George Gordon, Lord Byron

She Walks in Beauty


She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes:
Thus mellowed to that tender light
Which heaven to gaudy day denies.

One shade the more, one ray the less,
Had half impaired the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress,
Or softly lightens o'er her face;
Where thoughts serenely sweet express,
How pure, how dear their dwelling-place.

And on that cheek, and o'er that brow,
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,
But tell of days in goodness spent,
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent!

16 Things atheists need theists to know

Here's a post I found quite amusing. As you may have gathered I have a rather bizarre mishmosh of spiritual beliefs though I do consider myself an atheist. I saw this and thought I'd share because believe it or not, it comes up way more often than you'd think. And for the record, some of my best friends are theists =P haha.

Guest essay by Deborah Markus

Please stop hedging when you mention our lack of belief. Atheists are atheists. We're not "self-described," nor do we "claim" to be atheists. You don't want us to start saying things like, "This is my friend, Julie. She calls herself a Christian," do you? Then man up, brace yourself, and use the a-word all by itself. Practice in front of the mirror if you need to. You'll know you have the proper calm, factual tone when the glass doesn't shatter.

Please stop capitalizing the word "atheist." Unless it comes at the beginning of the sentence, you're just wasting ink. We know you're probably trying to be polite, but it doesn't work that way. There is no guy named Athe.

Some of you keep insisting that we're angry at your god. And then you laugh at us for being so silly – being angry at someone we don't even believe in. Well, you're right. That would be pretty darned silly. That's why we don't do it. Are you annoyed at Zeus? Do you have a grudge against the faerie folk? Of course not. It's the same for us – how could we feel anger or hatred toward a non-existent being? (Some of his followers cheese us off, but that's another story.)

Stop saying that deep down inside, we really do believe in your deity. Belief in the kind of guy who can create an entire universe with the force of a few well-turned phrases is not the sort of secret that fits neatly into a back pocket, as it were. If we thought this fellow was real, we'd be the first to know. And people don't tend to keep that particular nugget of information to themselves. Ever notice that?

Please understand that "You're such a nice person! I can't believe you're an atheist!" is not a compliment. More importantly, please understand that we understand that. Believe me, every single one of us has considered replying, "And you're so smart – I can't believe you're a Christian!" How about we all agree to not go there?


The only thing all occupants of foxholes have in common is access to weapons and a willingness to fight. It might be the better part of wisdom not to provoke them by insisting that you know more about their beliefs or lack thereof than they do.

How can our lives have any purpose without God? One word: chocolate.

It's sweet of you to worry about us, really it is. But it's not terribly helpful to tell us that we should go ahead and believe in your particular faith "just in case." Just in case what? In case a deity who can't distinguish heartfelt faith from apple-polishing affectation happens to be running the show?

Let's make a deal: we promise to stop asking that stupid question about whether God can make a rock so big he can't lift it. In exchange, please stop saying, "Well, God doesn't believe in atheists!" and then laughing like Shakespeare came back to life just long enough to write one last comedy.

Please quit asking us how or why we "turned our backs" on God. The whole point of being an atheist is that we don't see any reason to think we did any such thing.

Anyone who was born in an English-speaking country and is more than two minutes old has heard about God and Jesus. It's annoying when you assume that atheists just haven't heard enough about them, and that's why we're still atheists. Many of us have done extensive research on the subject of religion. Many of us credit our atheism to exactly that.

Please stop telling your atheist acquaintances that you'll miss us when you get to heaven. No, you won't. If youturn out to be right, you'll be in heaven – the place where, by definition, people don't feel sad. And if we'reright – well, guess who won't be feeling much of anything?

If you've ever said, "You can't prove there isn't a God" – first of all, congratulations. You're officially four years old. Second, we never said we could. But until you can show some serious proof that there is one, we see no reason to believe. There's nothing wrong with taking a leap of faith, provided you acknowledge that's what you're doing. Atheists simply prefer other forms of exercise.

Stop asking us how we can be moral without God. It's simple. We're awake, and we're not idiots. That's all it takes to figure out that sharing the planet with so many other people is a lot more pleasant when we also share some basic ideas about acceptable behavior. I don't like being stabbed; therefore I support laws against stabbing and promise not to stab anyone myself, no matter how much I may feel like doing so. See how easy?

So far as being a Christian is concerned, you're either a member of a persecuted minority, or part of a solid majority. Figure out which one of those is the case, and then live with it. You don't get to switch back and forth depending on whether you think you can smother dissent better at any given moment by either whining that everybody's always being mean to you, or bellowing that this is your house and you make the rules.


Speaking of persecuted minorities: Christianity used to be one. Did you fight your way to freedom of faith just so you could treat nonbelievers the same way they used to treat you?

Girl Scouts of America....

How dare they advocate women’s rights, a womans right to choose, and reproductive awareness!?! I mean really, how dare they! That was sarcasm by the way. After seeing this it almost makes me wish I hadn’t quit the Girl Scouts when I was 10 years old. What do you think?

click to enlarge

Random Rant

I was supposed to hang out with a buddy of mine last Saturday. He never called. I was sad, but went about my life as usual. I don’t wait around.

He IMs Monday morning with:

Buddy: sorry I didn't call you on Saturday drama happened

 me: hi hi   no worries   i was kind of overloaded this weekend anyways.   what happened?

 Buddy: well  my girlfriend thinks you are trying to marry me so she had a meltdown

 me: what. the. fuck? I see you like twice a year now.

 Buddy: IDK   she has like crazy jealousy issues

 me: I have enough boy problems.  

 Buddy: she freaks out at the idea of us chilling alone

me: yeah, sounds like what happened when I was with Evil-Ex.

 Buddy: dum dum dudm menacign music.   Yeah its like the same thing really

 me: psycho. tell her i'm involved

Buddy: I did. I told her I think you had a GF and a BF  lol   a full set

me: ::laughs::

Buddy: well I was bummed out.   I really wanted to see you

me: i know!

Buddy: and I think that also made her upset

 me: ::sadface::   hah, that you were bummed out?

 Buddy: I am having really hard time staying excited about this relationship

 me: Well it sucks having someone control your every move

 Buddy: but things have been very stable the last  5 months.   yeah IDK

 me: of course they are {stable}, if you're only paying attention to her. expect that to be a pattern.

 Buddy: I try to explain that the friendship you and I have has always been private

 me: as long as your attention is on her, things will be fine

Buddy: and you kinda don’t like to have to entertain.   IDK

 me: truth.  also, I don't like her very much. I’m expunging all forms of drama. I used to like her but all of this is bullshit. She’s nice to my face, but all this shit behind the scenes? No thanks.

 Buddy: I don't want to talk on your behalf but I know you have said you are different in groups and I see that  and I have to say so am I  so I like the duality of us chilling

 me: me too.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I have some pretty intense jealousy sometimes, but I usually have to have at least some kind of valid reason. With Evil-Ex I was often jealous, but he was ACTUALLY cheating on me, and manipulating my emotions to MAKE ME jealous. On purpose. Even then I never stopped him from going out with friends. Just because I feel one way, I try not to behave that way. I keep things hidden. There probably needs to be a better balance of productive communication and not just suppression on my part, but still. Trying to control someone is no way to show that you care about them. That’s just my opinion I suppose.

It really irritates me that people are so inconsiderate of others. I understand that she’s afraid of losing her boyfriend, but she’s falling on a double edged sword here. Let him out and off the leash and he might stray. OR. Tighten the relationship leash around his throat until he suffocates and chews threw it permanently. Lose-lose chickadee.

Trust. Relationships, functioning functional relationships need to have an element of trust.

What really makes me mad though, is that not only is she controlling him, but in a way she’s controlling me as well. She’s removing the option of a choice I would have liked to make – hanging out with my friend (NOT stealing him away).

I do not like people trying to control me.