16 Things atheists need theists to know

Here's a post I found quite amusing. As you may have gathered I have a rather bizarre mishmosh of spiritual beliefs though I do consider myself an atheist. I saw this and thought I'd share because believe it or not, it comes up way more often than you'd think. And for the record, some of my best friends are theists =P haha.

Guest essay by Deborah Markus

Please stop hedging when you mention our lack of belief. Atheists are atheists. We're not "self-described," nor do we "claim" to be atheists. You don't want us to start saying things like, "This is my friend, Julie. She calls herself a Christian," do you? Then man up, brace yourself, and use the a-word all by itself. Practice in front of the mirror if you need to. You'll know you have the proper calm, factual tone when the glass doesn't shatter.

Please stop capitalizing the word "atheist." Unless it comes at the beginning of the sentence, you're just wasting ink. We know you're probably trying to be polite, but it doesn't work that way. There is no guy named Athe.

Some of you keep insisting that we're angry at your god. And then you laugh at us for being so silly – being angry at someone we don't even believe in. Well, you're right. That would be pretty darned silly. That's why we don't do it. Are you annoyed at Zeus? Do you have a grudge against the faerie folk? Of course not. It's the same for us – how could we feel anger or hatred toward a non-existent being? (Some of his followers cheese us off, but that's another story.)

Stop saying that deep down inside, we really do believe in your deity. Belief in the kind of guy who can create an entire universe with the force of a few well-turned phrases is not the sort of secret that fits neatly into a back pocket, as it were. If we thought this fellow was real, we'd be the first to know. And people don't tend to keep that particular nugget of information to themselves. Ever notice that?

Please understand that "You're such a nice person! I can't believe you're an atheist!" is not a compliment. More importantly, please understand that we understand that. Believe me, every single one of us has considered replying, "And you're so smart – I can't believe you're a Christian!" How about we all agree to not go there?


The only thing all occupants of foxholes have in common is access to weapons and a willingness to fight. It might be the better part of wisdom not to provoke them by insisting that you know more about their beliefs or lack thereof than they do.

How can our lives have any purpose without God? One word: chocolate.

It's sweet of you to worry about us, really it is. But it's not terribly helpful to tell us that we should go ahead and believe in your particular faith "just in case." Just in case what? In case a deity who can't distinguish heartfelt faith from apple-polishing affectation happens to be running the show?

Let's make a deal: we promise to stop asking that stupid question about whether God can make a rock so big he can't lift it. In exchange, please stop saying, "Well, God doesn't believe in atheists!" and then laughing like Shakespeare came back to life just long enough to write one last comedy.

Please quit asking us how or why we "turned our backs" on God. The whole point of being an atheist is that we don't see any reason to think we did any such thing.

Anyone who was born in an English-speaking country and is more than two minutes old has heard about God and Jesus. It's annoying when you assume that atheists just haven't heard enough about them, and that's why we're still atheists. Many of us have done extensive research on the subject of religion. Many of us credit our atheism to exactly that.

Please stop telling your atheist acquaintances that you'll miss us when you get to heaven. No, you won't. If youturn out to be right, you'll be in heaven – the place where, by definition, people don't feel sad. And if we'reright – well, guess who won't be feeling much of anything?

If you've ever said, "You can't prove there isn't a God" – first of all, congratulations. You're officially four years old. Second, we never said we could. But until you can show some serious proof that there is one, we see no reason to believe. There's nothing wrong with taking a leap of faith, provided you acknowledge that's what you're doing. Atheists simply prefer other forms of exercise.

Stop asking us how we can be moral without God. It's simple. We're awake, and we're not idiots. That's all it takes to figure out that sharing the planet with so many other people is a lot more pleasant when we also share some basic ideas about acceptable behavior. I don't like being stabbed; therefore I support laws against stabbing and promise not to stab anyone myself, no matter how much I may feel like doing so. See how easy?

So far as being a Christian is concerned, you're either a member of a persecuted minority, or part of a solid majority. Figure out which one of those is the case, and then live with it. You don't get to switch back and forth depending on whether you think you can smother dissent better at any given moment by either whining that everybody's always being mean to you, or bellowing that this is your house and you make the rules.


Speaking of persecuted minorities: Christianity used to be one. Did you fight your way to freedom of faith just so you could treat nonbelievers the same way they used to treat you?

Girl Scouts of America....

How dare they advocate women’s rights, a womans right to choose, and reproductive awareness!?! I mean really, how dare they! That was sarcasm by the way. After seeing this it almost makes me wish I hadn’t quit the Girl Scouts when I was 10 years old. What do you think?

click to enlarge

Random Rant

I was supposed to hang out with a buddy of mine last Saturday. He never called. I was sad, but went about my life as usual. I don’t wait around.

He IMs Monday morning with:

Buddy: sorry I didn't call you on Saturday drama happened

 me: hi hi   no worries   i was kind of overloaded this weekend anyways.   what happened?

 Buddy: well  my girlfriend thinks you are trying to marry me so she had a meltdown

 me: what. the. fuck? I see you like twice a year now.

 Buddy: IDK   she has like crazy jealousy issues

 me: I have enough boy problems.  

 Buddy: she freaks out at the idea of us chilling alone

me: yeah, sounds like what happened when I was with Evil-Ex.

 Buddy: dum dum dudm menacign music.   Yeah its like the same thing really

 me: psycho. tell her i'm involved

Buddy: I did. I told her I think you had a GF and a BF  lol   a full set

me: ::laughs::

Buddy: well I was bummed out.   I really wanted to see you

me: i know!

Buddy: and I think that also made her upset

 me: ::sadface::   hah, that you were bummed out?

 Buddy: I am having really hard time staying excited about this relationship

 me: Well it sucks having someone control your every move

 Buddy: but things have been very stable the last  5 months.   yeah IDK

 me: of course they are {stable}, if you're only paying attention to her. expect that to be a pattern.

 Buddy: I try to explain that the friendship you and I have has always been private

 me: as long as your attention is on her, things will be fine

Buddy: and you kinda don’t like to have to entertain.   IDK

 me: truth.  also, I don't like her very much. I’m expunging all forms of drama. I used to like her but all of this is bullshit. She’s nice to my face, but all this shit behind the scenes? No thanks.

 Buddy: I don't want to talk on your behalf but I know you have said you are different in groups and I see that  and I have to say so am I  so I like the duality of us chilling

 me: me too.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I have some pretty intense jealousy sometimes, but I usually have to have at least some kind of valid reason. With Evil-Ex I was often jealous, but he was ACTUALLY cheating on me, and manipulating my emotions to MAKE ME jealous. On purpose. Even then I never stopped him from going out with friends. Just because I feel one way, I try not to behave that way. I keep things hidden. There probably needs to be a better balance of productive communication and not just suppression on my part, but still. Trying to control someone is no way to show that you care about them. That’s just my opinion I suppose.

It really irritates me that people are so inconsiderate of others. I understand that she’s afraid of losing her boyfriend, but she’s falling on a double edged sword here. Let him out and off the leash and he might stray. OR. Tighten the relationship leash around his throat until he suffocates and chews threw it permanently. Lose-lose chickadee.

Trust. Relationships, functioning functional relationships need to have an element of trust.

What really makes me mad though, is that not only is she controlling him, but in a way she’s controlling me as well. She’s removing the option of a choice I would have liked to make – hanging out with my friend (NOT stealing him away).

I do not like people trying to control me.

An Unfortunate Remark

Him: Regrets are a waste of time.

Me: I don’t regret many things I do. Mostly I regret the shit that I let other people get away with.

Him: I don’t want to know about that stuff.

Me: Good, cuz I’m not going to tell you.

This is clearly an indication of we are not ever going to be serious. Though he wants me to make plans with him for his birthday next month, which includes meeting his friends. This may, in fact, be the longest relationship he’s ever had.

It also really made me start to wonder how important chemistry is. We clearly have an intense physical chemistry. Emotionally he is unavailable. I appear to be emotionally subdued (though we all know this is a farce). Intellectually I am superior, though we do always manage to talk about a lot of things. Our physical chemistry is intense, but the relationship as a whole rings hollow.

This got me thinking about GF. She’d wanted to go out with me last night but I already had plans with Tech Boy.  Our physical chemistry is very decent. She’s emotionally available, but also pretty needy. Intellectually I am by far superior. But she could love me. Maybe does. She would care about me and I would be safe with her.   Why do I not choose her over him? Not that I’ve really made a choice either way, but I’ve been giving Tech Boy clear priority.

Will everything always be a compromise? This is important, but I’ll accept within this range. I do not like this, but some is inevitable. A little of this. Not enough of that. Too much of something else. Is there such a thing as 100% compatibility? I don’t think there is. But where do you draw the line with what you are willing to accept?

Maybe this isn’t a quantifiable idea. Perhaps it’s an emotional impulse. However, I make poor emotional decisions. I should rely more on my cognition. Ideally I guess it would be a balance.

I think that balance, right now, is telling me I should take some time off from everyone and just work on myself. If only my emotional decisions didn’t automatically overrule.

Even my Subconscious Knows

I love my dreams so much. Last night I had one that I found interesting. I won’t write the whole thing out because I’m missing big chunks of it.

At one point I remember sitting in a hotel/restaurant(?) l room which was set up sort of like a classroom with my brother, sister, and  a bunch of other people. There was some kind of contest. I had carved a very small jack-o-lantern. Apparently I won 1^st prize for it.

After the judging there were a few girls that walked by. One of them loudly critized me and put me down. I lashed back and gave her a very rational tearing down. Later I saw her alone, curled up on the ground by her locker crying. I went over to her. I told her she was a beautiful person that {she didn’t need to act that way to remain in control}.

Of course I looked up the significance of this.

To carve a Jack O' Lantern in your dream, suggests that you are trying to put on a tough or mean face. It refers to a superficial facade.

To see a hotel in your dream signifies a new state of mind or a shift in personal identity. You are undergoing some sort of transition and need to move away from your old habits and old way of thinking. You need to temporarily escape from your daily life. Alternatively, the dream may imply a loss in your personal identity.

To see someone else crying in your dream may be a projection of your own feelings onto someone else. If you do not cry in your waking life, then seeing someone else cry may be a little easier to deal with then seeing yourself cry.   < ---- I refuse to cry in real life.

Apparently my dreams are trying to tell me I’m having identity issues. Shocking. I’m amused that my subconscious feels I’m doing a prize winning performance of maintaining a superficial façade though. It seems like this is causing a lot of pent of mental stress.

Lost in dreams

So I had an odd dream from last night. I actually remembered enough of it to write it down. I wonder what it all means.

I was supposed to be getting ready for my prom (I never went to prom in high school). I was going with my then best friend Nicole. I was making cupcakes with red frosting. The first batch of frosting wasn’t enough. My mom came over to help and she made some frosting to add to mine but it was disgusting so I had to fix it all. For whatever reason I was layering the cupcakes and pouring all the frosting over them like a cake in a flat pan. A short while later I became very anxious that this was not good enough and wanted to bake all new cupcakes and frost them individually. I only had a couple hours before I had to leave for the prom. I quickly ran to the grocery.  I was also supposed to make some kind of chicken dish which I didn’t think about until I’d already gotten back from the store.

In my travels I was back and forth between the school watching everyone come out in their formalwear. I was dressed in mine at some points, still needing to put on the finishing touches in others. I was in a black dress sleeveless, corseted, with gloves. I was having trouble decided which corset to wear over the dress, one black, one I think red. I was also having trouble lacing them. There were also issues in the school. I recall smoke from the hallways as if part of the building were on fire from within. (I'm missing pieces from this part)

At some point a friend came by. I needed to go with him/her(?) to get some papers signed, as a witness or just to go with. I said I would but I had to be back in 2 hours to get dressed. We went to a place. The interior was some kind of office reception area but it lead through areas that looked as if they belonged in a home, like a dining room. In the main conference Room area there was a bed for a table. There were chairs all around it. We were supposed to get M.E. to sign some kind of contract for an invention he’d created. (Yes, in my dreams M.E. is a guy). We’d never seen him though so didn’t know what he looked like. Some other people were filing in and taking seats. My friend asked if one of them was M.E.? No, it’s that guy over there with the yellow beard, he pointed. Just a guy in his mid to late 30’s, but with a bright yellow beard (not blonde, yellow).  

I saw some girls I knew (Kristin and Kat). We sat on the bed/table together. At one point I ran my fingers along Kristin’s clavicle and she nearly melted as she moaned. The three of us started fooling around on the bed in front of everyone. Eventually someone cleared their throats and we got out of the bed. M.E. gave us kind of a disgusted look and changed the sheets on the bed (also yellow). Then he began to sign the contract.

Soon after he gave a presentation unveiling his invention. It was some kind of fold out table shaped like a compass (like the kind you put a pencil in and draw circles with). People were pretty excited about it. I didn’t get the hype.

I needed to leave after this. It was time to get home so I could get ready for the dance. I couldn’t find my ride so a friend and I decided to walk. Somewhere along the road it seemed like we were being pursued. We ran through a gigantic field of lemons trying to lose them (Yeah, a field of lemon bushes – I know this isn’t how lemons grow). We ran up on some decking and back down into the fields trying to lose whoever was behind us. Finally we cross to the other side of the field where there was another road. I saw a familiar sign and we began walking in the direction we were (hopefully) supposed to be going. The whole time I was trying to calculate in my head just how much time I was losing, how late I would be, if I would have time to get dressed, if it would be ok if we were a little late for the dance.

Weird dream. I know.

Questionable Content

No, that is not a vague disclaimer about my life, though it is a surprisingly accurate description.

Questionable Content is probably my favorite web comic ever. Well, at least in the top 5. Seriously. It's amazing.  Go check it out. The art is a bit simple at first, but it rapidly progresses. The characters are amazing, and you'll fall in love with all the goofiness and wit. Do it!


Once more for good measure:  Questionable Content

If you don't love Hannelore, you don't have a soul.